Comments on: Enough about you: My explanation of narcissism

By: Merrill Markoe

Merrill Markoe — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 07:10:53 +0000

Thats a great way to look at it. I think you’re right.

By: blog

blog — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 01:00:29 +0000

Ms. Markoe, I am enawed (came here via Ken Levine). Narcissism is the psycho-immune system’s response to chronic self-loathing.

By: MissyMagoo

MissyMagoo — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:48:49 +0000

My friend Martha (above) sent me this link – she & I share a lot and connected because of our mothers.
I most certainly could have written your article – same issues with clothes at Christmas. It took my father saying something to my mother years ago “why don’t you buy something SHE likes rather than what you want to wear” – thank God for him…
I applaud you for being brave and sharing your story – great to know I’m not the only one out there.

By: Martha Ruskai

Martha Ruskai — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:40:39 +0000

Brilliant and funny.
As a recovering Catholic taught to always look inside for what I did wrong this hits the nail on the head.
My late Mother always bewailed the fact that she failed as a Mother because none of her children became Nuns. When I pointed out to her that now that her youngest, me, was out of the house and her husband dead she was free to pursue this holiest of professions herself she was struck dumb and never spoke of it again.
The other mind-blowing moment came when planning *my* wedding. At one point she turned to me and said, “This is MY party, you and _____ are the guests of honor.”
Thank you for this reminder at a time when I need it to help deal with a few difficult people at work.
This will help so much.

By: Jennifer Naughan

Jennifer Naughan — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:13:39 +0000

You have handled your situation with great poise and wisdom. But, I’m sure it was a long road. I am on that same road and it is a wonderful feeling to know I am okay, but on the other hand, I have bouts of mourning for what I thought I had, never did, but yet feel I have lost in a relationship that can, or may, never be. You chose happiness and your story is very helpful to me on my own path – thank you.

By: Merrill Markoe

Merrill Markoe — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 03:31:05 +0000

Dear AC:
I might not have written either piece while my parents were alive, you’re right. I once wrote a sit com episode about a mother that was a collaboration with another staff writer who had a narcissistic mother. My mother didn’t speak to me for six weeks. And this was on a sit com full of fictional characters, none of which were modeled on me so there was no need for my mother to personalize it. However I have a friend named Laurie Sandell who has a new graphic novel out about her sociopathic father. (“The Imposter’s Daughter”.) He is still alive and married to her mother. Obviously her relationship with her father is pretty distant. But the rest of the family seems to be still talking to her. Very brave, I thought.

By: another comic

another comic — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 02:55:36 +0000

Merril,

I’ve loved your stand up and storytelling for a long time. Here’s a question: would you have written this essay or the birthday novel when your mum was alive?

Do you think it’s possible to put material out while still maintaining the detached relationship? Especially if you have more of a public engagement than the Ns do?

Love love your story of your dad teaching Letterman how to turn on a radio. So familiarly hilarious.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 15:31:21 +0000

Thanks so much for sharing this experience with me. I am just coming to understand the connection between my narcissistic mother and my desire to please she and many others not capable of loving me.

By: Jeanne

Jeanne — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:54:55 +0000

Christine:
I just read your questions to Merrill. I think there’s a little narcissist in all of us. Do you care about others? Do you think of others when you make a decision? Do you have empathy for others? If your answers are yes, GREAT! Being aware of narcissistic tendencies is a very healthy thing for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents. As Merrill said above, it could be the best lesson your NP ever taught you. You can break the pattern!
Jeanne

By: Jeanne

Jeanne — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:40:47 +0000

Oh jeez! I just laughed so hard reading this! Thinking about the goofy-butt presents my Dad has given me (the silky workout suit in many lively colors that an 80 year old lady might wear was a goody – I was 40 at the time). Or the many horrible restaurants with “great food” we were subjected to as children/young adults. There he’d be, chomping away on a pink hot dog or slugging down liver & onions at a truck stop, where the special of the day was pork brains and applesauce. I can remember thinking, “what in the heck is he doing?”, and marveling at how he never got sick from eating that stuff. Thanks for such a well-written and humorous account of your NM. I can relate to all of your attempts of honesty and not hurting her feelings. It was the same for me and my Dad.
I have 12 siblings, most of whom are no longer playing the game. However, there are still a few hold outs who continue to fan my Dad’s flame – and as long as there’s somebody who will play, it goes on. Fortunately, I am an unwelcomed audience member for my Dad. He’s aging and acting up without me. I’d like for him to see the light, but I don’t hold out hope for it occurring.

I wish you much luck for your future – keep ‘em coming, girl! You’re a riot!
Jeanne