If there is one thing I do even less than watch sports, it is enter contests. At least not since  I was eight.  Even then, it has seemed like an exercise in exploring  Fran Lebowitz’s comment about entering The Lottery (“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”).  Nevertheless, for some insane reason  in 2009, when I saw that there was a contest that offered  a prize of  a million dollars for making a Dorito commercial that was supposedly going to air on The Superbowl, I had a momentary brain white out and decided to enter.  ”No way I can be the worst person entering this contest.” I said to myself, I said, I said, ” And who knows? Maybe I will be one of the best!”

And thus did I throw myself in to this delusional headwind,  and spend one crazed weekend making a theoretical Dorito commercial.   I should add at this point that I didn’t prepare for my task by studying existing Dorito commercials  to make sure that I was playing the correct ball park. No no….None of those creativity restrictions for me. So, that wasn’t smart. I should have done my research. But instead, inspired by my own idea, I just leaped forward.  And I did this despite the fact that I don’t even like Doritos. Where salty snacks are concerned, Doritos have never been in my top twenty.  Looking back, that probably didn’t work in my favor either.

Still, I very much liked the idea of winning a million dollars.  So come with my now to the golden year of 2009 as we look at my hypothetical theoretical Dorito commercial . . CommericalDorito Commerical

Come on…you have to give it up for my Dorito trees!

I carefully waded through many bags of Doritos in order to select just the ones with a big loopy fold so I could organically drape them over my plants.  Proving once again that you can take the girl out of the art school, but you can’t take the art school out of the girl.  In fact, since I’m reviving this whole memory for my own humiliation, I’d like to now  re visit some highlights of my Dorito plants.  Andy (who also supplied the voice over) thinks that we would have won if we had  referred to the raw, still-to-be-picked fruits of the Dorito plant as “DORTS”.

I could be wrong, but somehow I don’t think this would have changed anything.

dorito trees

ALSO: Ahem…BUY MY BOOK. BUY MY BOOK.

Read reviews here on this very website.

Here’s the cover! Looks great, right?

It IS GREAT. You should definitely buy it.

It started because I like to inspect the neighborhood Christmas decorations every year and Mr. Dylan has a house in my neighborhood.  I grew up worshipping Mr. Dylan. Not too many artists had more impact on my development than he did. And now I believe the same holds true for his Christmas decorating style. Let us examine his approach. There is much to learn.

Of all the outdoor decorating styles on display in my neighborhood, year after year Mr. Dylan’s is  the most low key. It appears casual to the point of almost seeming unplanned. At first glance it may look thrown together without much forethought. Yet when we examine his efforts in years past,his astonishing consistency reveals the stylings of a very specific Christmas artist at work.

First: a brief trip down memory lane.

Here is Mr. Dylan’s decor in 2009.

Here is Mr. Dylan’s Christmas offering in 2010.

And now behold, The Dylan Christmas of 2011:

This year we see a variation on last year’s theme as he repeats his signature lack of formality. He has again hung the lights in what can now be referred to as a prototypical Dylanesque style.There is resistence to symmetry, the avoidance of an obvious pattern or design.  In the detail below we see the return of a classic Dylan touch: the low hanging loop, which some call ‘Dylan’s Necktie’. Others prefer to call it ‘The Crutch’.

Also this year the lights are higher up on the bushes than  in previous years, perhaps indicating  a more spiritual intention. Then again, they may be providing a comment about  the hopes of the common man in an economic downturn.

As with all of Dylan’s best work, ultimately we are left with more questions than answers.

Yet tears well up and there is a quiet joy. Or something.

Happy Holidays everyone. From me. And from Bob.

PS: No matter what the copy on the page reads, my new book is in stock again now. They just restocked them. Buy one, won’t you?

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

So this is a little PR wrap up of a few my recent book promotional attempts…at least the ones that I thought went well.  If you have come to this site looking for current data on me, this stuff might be it.

First, here’s the WTF podcast I did with Marc Maron. I f you’re not familiar with WTF, you should google it. Marc does absolutely great interviews with people who work in, around, and near comedy. Marc is a brilliant comedian himself and he is one of a kind.

Then I went on The Daily Show. That was fun.Me on The Daily Show

Then I wrote a post about it on Regretsy.

So…that a lot of stuff! Think I’ll quit while we’re both ahead.
But first let me update you on the book. The Daily Show appearance kicked sales in to a gear that the book company was apparently not prepared for. They sold out of the first printing but they tell me there will be more books next week some time.(Despite the fact that Amazon has a disparaging note that sounds like you will never receive a book in this or any other lifetime.) So if you order it, you will too get it by Christmas! While you are waiting, you can re-enjoy this video I made of my dogs fetching the book out of the pool. One other hilarious bi-product of this whole brouhaha is visible today (Dec.7) on Amazon. Although I am told there might be new books for sale AT REGULAR PRICES there tomorrow, the used book market vultures have already made a desperate attempt. Check out these bargain prices. At least they’re supposed to be in pretty good shape. HAA!

I realize that this promo does not offer a lot of information about the book. But it DOES have TWO endings, both involving pretty fancy footwork on the part of my dogs. I am at work on ANOTHER promo that will offer more information. But come on. I had to post this one. TWO pieces of reasonably good dog action, from MY dogs. That’s a lot, considering the cast. You just don’t get that kind of action and excitement and opportunity for choice with the Zombie people.

UPDATE 10/20/11: Here is an advanced review I just got from Book Page.

I’m going in chronological order…This is a picture of the set during a rehearsal of Dave’s MORNING show…which preceded the night show. It was on the air live 90 minutes a day at 10 in the morning on NBC for 19 weeks before it got cancelled.It was a lot like the night show but, if you can imagine it, even weirder. It had “a family”…many of them funny cerebral comedian character writer/performers.(The brilliant hilarious Valri Bromfield, Edie McClurg, Wil Shriner and Rich Hall, to name 4). The guy sitting with Dave is comedian Bob Sarlotte, who was supposed to be a kind of a side kick. He moved all the way to NYC, only to have the whole show up end in just a few months. When the show was cancelled two good things happened. We won an Emmy. And we got this cool telegram from Martin Scorcese. That was certainly very nice of him!

Here is what the host and one of his guests looked like during year one of the night show.  By the way, in case it is not obvious to you…that guest is Mr. Leno.

And this is what my assistant Chris Elliot , who was about 13 at the time, looked like. I had to get his mother’s permission to take this picture. No No. I am kidding. But he was about 19. The photo beneathe this one is what he looked like playing a LifeGuard in a ‘fun in the summer’ special.

Now for some writers. This is a scrapbook page I didn’t want to dissemble. Starting top left, the young Steve O’Donnel,(who went on to headwrite the show for many years)  then Jim Downey talking to  “not sure”…who MIGHT be Sandy Frank. (but still not sure.) They are in Tom Gammill’s office, as you can see by the signature Gammill painting on the wall. Tom has a cartoon strip called The Doozies. (Google it, sit back, pour yourself a beverage and make an evening of them.)  Below on the right is my dear pal George Meyer,(more recently of The Simpsons). In this photo he is pretty much right out of college. He is on the site of a science fair that we covered for the show. Unless he was one of the exhibitors. And below on the left is the always funny and fantastic Hal Gurnee, who was our director. Here is the young Tom Gammill on the cover of an in-house news letter he and his partner Max Pross were writing and distributing to the staff.

Next is my old friend Gerry Mulligan, who stayed at the show until a couple of years ago when he retired! But this photo is taken of him when the show first started.And ladies and gentlemen, the hilarious Andy Breckman, who later in life became the creator of MONK.

Here is Paul  Shaffer holding a photograph of Hal Gurnee’s dog Burt. For reasons of his own, Mr. Gurnee was obsessively photographing everyone who came on to the show holding this picture. Somewhere there are HUNDREDS of these. Not sure why I have this one.

And here I am in a segment for the first anniversary show called Stupid Writer’s Tricks. I am doing a scene from a theoretical sit-com I wrote for myself called My Little Merrill. In the scene, my husband has told me that the boss is coming for dinner. But oops. Darn. In my hurry to get everything perfect I dropped a 100 lb. weight on  the dining room table and broke it in half.

This certainly proves I haven’t changed as much as I thought.

Which brings us to Dave and the Grateful Dead. And with that we conclude this portion of the jpeg assortment. But wait…wait…one more thing.

A word from our sponsor. We hope you enjoyed this pointless trip down memory lane. We (and by we I mean ..uh…you know…) are so hopeful that we (I) would like to take this opportunity to (coughing fit. Excuse me.I’m sorry. I can’t stop coughing. Oh. Where was I again? Ah yes.) Ahem. I have a new book coming out November first. It’s a book of funny personal essays. Its called Cool Calm and Contentious and if there is any chance you can be talked in to pre-ordering one, you can do it HERE (amazon) or HERE (Barnes and Noble.) Thank you. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Not that there is any.

FALL 2011 has a message for us. And it is this. Nothing shows off a great new outfit like PEASANTS!

Maybe its the simplicity of their life styles or their primitive old-world mismatched clothing choices. Maybe its the way they’re so cooperative even if you only have a few dollars budgeted to pay them. Whatever it is, peasants are a memo from another time and place where money still means a lot. (Though I doubt they need as much of it as we do because look at how they live and all!)

The important thing to remember is that peasants make the rest of us look elegant yet sensible this fall! And they’re so much shorter and heavier than we are, which helps show us off to our best advantage.Plus they have scarves and chickens and buckets and weird hats, which are all like totally amazing! So when you think it about it, what better accessories for confusing times like these (when big salaries and gigantic bonuses are not fashionable) than PEASANTS? PS:

I…um…(clearing throat)have a new book coming out in November. You can pre-order it at(coughing) Amazon or Barnes and Noble or maybe somewhere else that you like better but I didn’t think of. Thank you. Plus I will send you a handwritten thank you card.You never get that kind of thing from the vampire people.

or Rick Perry’s Anton Chigurh.

Luckily we have a year to figure it out.

P.S.Sorry to be a pest but um, uh…on an unrelated topic…I realize Its not til November but if you’re the kind of person who pre-orders books…(spasmodic coughing) Also Barnes and Noble

A few years ago I was asked to appear in “The Aristocrats,” perhaps the raunchiest non-pornographic independent film ever made. The idea was that many comedians would tell the same famously dirty joke in their own particular style, out-doing each other with vivid graphic detail. But as someone who has never been comfortable telling off-color jokes, I knew I couldn’t compete with George Carlin, or Gilbert Gottfried in a prurience contest.  So for my version, I rewrote the material 180 degrees in the other direction. I made my contribution erudite. I set it in the world of performance art and dressed it up with references to Joan Miro, The Venice Biennale and Postmodern Neoclassical figurative painting. And I was able to make it so effete, cerebral and esoteric that I got myself cut out of the movie entirely, save for one line.

However, when the DVD came out, my seven minute contribution appeared in its entirety, And thus did it meet its proper audience at last: MENSA called to ask if I would speak at their annual Colloquium.

When I first got their E mail, I thought it was some kind of a mistake, a weird prank being played by one of my smart-ass friends. But when I returned their call and no one I knew answered, I became so utterly intimidated and consumed with the need for grammatical correctness in my speech that I could barely keep track what I was saying, so distracted was I by trying to remember the rules for when to use “Who” vs.  “Whom”.

Turned out that The Mensans had liked my contribution to The Aristocrats because it was the only version of the joke sporting the word ‘entrails.’ In fact, so amused were they by this  choice that they had thought of me when they’d decided that this year’s Colloquium topic was going to be humor.

Sensing instantly that these were people who knew their way around comedy, after I calmed myself down I said yes. I figured I’d tell a few stories, throw in a couple more “entrails” jokes and I’d be home free. But the real reason I agreed was because I wanted to see what Mensans looked like. I’d always been kind of curious. To me they seemed an unknowable, and slightly spooky secret society along the lines of The Bilderberg Group or The Tri-lateral Commission. Like the Yakuza, if its rules for admission were based on SAT scores.

“Tough gig,“ said my boyfriend, when I pondered whether I’d done the right thing by saying yes..“If you bomb, you won’t be able to use your usual excuse: Well, those people were a bunch of fucking idiots.”

As the date approached, I checked the website promoting the event and saw my name posted near a quote from Aristotle, along side a changing slide show of photographs of Freud and Einstein. Both men had been artistically graffitied with a Groucho-nose-and-glasses, a disguise, I might add, that wouldn’t have worked too well for either one.  Other scheduled speakers for the Colloquium included the author of “Humorous Interaction and The Social Construction of Meaning: Making Sense in a Jocular Vein,” and someone whose topic would be“ Exploring the theoretical, and empirical evidence for several psychological functions of humor.”  Suddenly all the personal anecdotes about bad dates and birthday parties I had planned to share with The Mensans seemed ridiculously simple minded.

In a panic, I began to try to upgrade my speech by doing some research. “Humor is arguably too complicated to learn without an assemblage of specific neural pathways or an associated cognitive module.” I read in “The Evolutionary Origins of Humor.” “Bingo!” I said, clapping my hands happily. “There’s my big opening joke!”

After checking in to The Doubletree Inn, where The Colloquium was to be held, I met with The Mensan who was in charge of the speakers downstairs in the hotel restaurant. He was an attractive, nicely dressed man of perhaps forty, who raised orchids, liked to kayak and used to work in bio-medical engineering developing a piece of apparatus that, when attached to a damaged spine, could move a paralyzed arm.

“I think you’ll be fine,” he said , after I outlined my speech for him. Sensing I was jittery, he then set about reassuring me that the Colloquium would be relaxed and feature an atmosphere of fun! To illustrate this, he mentioned the likelihood of  some annual after hours intra- Mensa hot tub hijinx. Though I was grateful he’d made the effort to soothe my fears, I was not reassured. It had never occurred to me until this very minute that Mensa might be a kind of Match.com  for people who tested well.

For most of the previous month I had been fretting about the proper wardrobe to bring to this event because the word “Colloquium” sounded so formal, and formidable. Yet multiple shopping forays throughout LA in search of Colloquium-wear had only puzzled slack jawed salespeople. After much fretting, I had selected an outfit that I hoped sat on the intersection of dressy and businesslike. But on the night of my big speech, as I entered the banquet room, I realized I’d worried in vain. My first viewing of Mensans En Masse revealed a largely white, mid-thirties and older group who seemed to favor the Bill Gates-determinedly-casual-aggressively-rumpled- approach to fashion. I needn’t have worried at all. If there were people playing the vanity card, I didn’t see them. One white haired gentleman in his seventies arrived dressed in a running suit and headband.There were also no “I’m with Brilliant” or “Genius on board” tee shirts.

As a whole, they looked like who they probably were; middle-aged versions of kids from the high school Chess or Latin club who also entered and won The Science Fair. The well-known porn star Mensan and the famous actress Mensan were not in attendance. Both would have stuck out like Sumo Wrestlers at a PTA meeting.

And thus did I deliver my speech about viewing your life as comedy to an attentive friendly audience, relieved that no one heckled my grammar or fell asleep. The only dark note was one agitated Mensan man in his mid fifties who, post Q and A, seemed upset in perpetuity about  the childhood pain and bullying he’d suffered as the butt of callous jokes. “Why do people think its funny to be mean?” he fretted tearfully, over and over. “I don’t know.  You should ask the programming guys at…well, everywhere.,” I wanted to say as I looked at this living reminder of the fine line between humor and cruelty. Also I hoped I could get away from him as quickly as possible.

The fine line between humor and funny was on display the next day when I sat on a panel next to a man whose life work it was to wear a rubber clown nose to every event he attended. “Most people cant help but smile when they see it,” he assured the audience, daring them to defy the comedy edict on which he was basing his whole act. Mainly I was reminded  of the way  its not smart to tell people when they should laugh.

Since most of the scheduled events were over in early evening, by 9:30 I found myself back in my room at the Doubletree Inn with a lot of time on my hands, too much adrenaline from having spoken earlier and no idea what to do. I considered watching a performance by a Mensan  Shakespearean Improv group but rejected it after I slipped in to the back of the room  and found it so ponderous and seemingly endless that I couldn’t commit to taking a seat.

As I sat by my hotel window, looking idly down at a half filled parking lot and the small industrial park by a creek that lay just beyond, it suddenly occurred to me that I was ignoring a big entertainment opportunity: I had an unobstructed aerial view of the hot tub on the hotel roof top. Here was a chance to witness that famous playful side of Mensa. And maybe even see some of the Mensans themselves acting  dumb!  But after a couple of hours and one too many seven dollar beers from the Mini-bar fridge , when no Mensans ever showed up, I realized the theoretical and empirical evidence for humor known as a “joke” was on me.

P.S.Ahem. Its not til November but if you’re the kind of person who pre-orders books…(additional coughing) Also Barnes and Noble

The copy on this ad says “You’ll need a lifetime to experience all the joys of Las Vegas. But if you only had a few incredible days, you’d need a plan to make the most of it.”

And the photo shows us four people who really know how to make a fun plan!

They offer  a lesson to the rest of us in how today’s beautiful people keep off the unwanted pounds! Because of all the things you can do with food, only EATING starts you on the path to gaining weight. So they have learned to see food as a toy! An accessory! A thing to have fun with!

These four have joined together to demonstrate a way to eat out that lets you have a fantastic night on the town and still leave as slim as when you first sat down!  Look how hard they are all laughing! You wouldn’t laugh THAT hard unless you were having the best time ever! And as we can see, they have ordered many many desserts, not for eating but for room decor. They have arranged them in to a picturesque arc around the real attraction: a big group dessert that the whole table can share!  Cotton candy!  I personally have never seen cotton candy listed on a dessert menu at  a restaurant. But that is almost certainly because I do not know the cool places to go, like these four do!

The Cotton Candy for Four dessert is the perfect dessert  because it is both the most fun to play with and the least appealing to actually eat. Look at how the dark haired girl is actually putting it in her hair, which is almost certainly going to cause her to have to leave early when she notices that the spun sugar residue has made the whole top of her head gummy. But that just ADDS to her fun.  By leaving early, she will not have to eat so much as a spoon full of anything at all.

Her date, in the purple shirt, is having just as much fun as she is! He is so convulsed with laughter he had to close his eyes! Even if his dinner companion has to leave early, to keep from attracting ants,  that doesn’t spoil his fun one bit! He has found more entertaining things to do with his silverware than eat! Clearly his date has seen him do this spoon-on-nose trick so many times before that she doesn’t like to encourage him by  looking over at him. And despite this seeming rudeness, when the two of them look back on this special night in Vegas, they will both rate it a success knowing that neither of them consumed a single calorie.

The young man on the far left of the table has made a hilarious mustache out of his cotton candy because he knows that as long as he holds it in place between his lip and nose,  he will not have to make excuses for not eating.

Which brings us to the one girl who appears to have actually taken a bite of the cotton candy. She is a little more subdued than the others because she knows she has made a mistake. But she also realizes that she can quickly spit the whole mouth full back on to that big sloppy plate and no way anyone will even notice! That’s why they serve it all formless in a big messy mound like that!! It is designed to be played with and spit out!

Here in example number 2. three gorgeous gaunt young people have ordered the spaghetti…knowing full well that the risks involved in ordering a dinner full of refined carbs will not apply to them! Not as long as they just HAVE FUN with their food and do not get side tracked by eating. This kind of behavior is so common with models that chefs no longer take it personally when they see beautifully attired people with amazing cheek bones spitting out everything they have ordered.

So the lesson is clear: Models definitely know how to have MORE FUN with their food than you do!

And taking all the drugs they can find  before dinner probably helps quite a bit too.

P.S. Ahem. Its not til November but if you’re the kind of person who pre-orders books…(additional coughing) Also Barnes and Noble

Yes, I know its almost always  Christmas and Political Season.  They are two of the sado/masochistic traditions that we as a country hold so dear that we celebrate them year round. True, elections lack the galvanizing economy boosting-gift-giving-ritual action of the six months of Christmas. But come on!  They are also the gift that keeps on giving since they include everything else; They’re a team sport,  a reality show,  a contest,  a holiday, a source of constant histrionic bulletins and  cataclysmic updates. They not only contain gossip, passion and petty arguments, but they’re  full of  people who claim to be regularly communicating with Jesus!  Plus they’re far more terrifying than Halloween.

Unfortunately arguing politically has always been a problem for me. I’m just not very good at it.  I usually know how I feel about the issues but rarely have I done enough exacting research in to the various historical details and precedents in each case to annihilate the arguments of my opponents. Or at least that is what I always thought was wrong with my approach.  But lately, as I watch things play out in Washington, as well as abroad, I have become convinced that all of my old assumptions are now obsolete. As usual I was being kept from a winning hand by trying for too much over-achieving. That is why I have assembled the following tips on how a political argument is won.  I believe my pointers are useful to all, regardless of political leanings.

How to Argue Politics:

1.Begin by choosing an unshakable stance to which you are going to hold fast like you would to the steering wheel of a runaway vehicle with bad brakes.  Even when you sense you may be lurching wildly, or the steering wheel is unresponsive, just hang on tightly, no matter what you see or hear. As long as you are going a million miles an hour, there’s no need to continue looking at the road ahead. Rather your extreme devotion to keeping your foot on the gas pedal, despite your lack of ability to see what is in front of you, will be your rudder, your anchor. (Think: Boehner in the budget ceiling debates.Or Sarah Palin when confronted on any empty headed counter-intuitive thing she says.)

If you are not sure what side of the issues you are on,(perhaps because the candidates you find cutest seem to keep changing their minds) pick your position by making some kind of simple minded emotional connection to something tangential. How about music? Country music is often played by Republicans. Indie music is almost definitely Democrats. Unknown bands hoping to become famous by making a viral video during the election: Tea party.

2.Having done that, now go online, find a chat board that supports your new point of view, and select the bullet points of your argument FROM THE SENTENCES THAT CONTAIN THE MOST WORDS ALL IN CAPS!!!!

3.Never allow lack of information to keep you from the passion you have for your side of the argument. Nothing needs to be solved. Your argument should  exist in an unencumbered vacuum where it should be allowed to circle back to the point at which it started. There is no way you are wrong. Remember that. So take comfort in the fact that no matter what side you are on, there are some excellent ways to wipe out whatever your opponent is telling you.

If you are conservative and the other guy begins making some good liberal point involving basic ethics and human rights,stay your original course by having, at the ready, an ambiguous Biblical quote that can be interpreted as supportive of anything. For example “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” If you’d rather not invoke religion,then another good argument-ender is :“If clean air and the environment means so much to you, how come I don’t see you giving up your comfy home and your gas guzzling car?” Be sure to use as many complex metaphors as you can that reference Dwight D. Eisenhower or Ronald Reagan. Most people today can not remember who these men are, they just know they are impressive. So throw in a lot of statistics that they will be helpless to refute. Don’t worry if they’re not true. As long as you are speaking louder and faster than they do, they will give up so that they can get back to checking their messages.

If you are liberal and faced with a piece of a conservative’s  fiscal argument that seems too solid to dispute, it is always wise to invoke the people and customs of one European country or other to prove your point.  ” The people of Switzerland don’t carry guns and they have like one homicide a year.”“The people of Sweden permit public nudity and drinking at every meal for the whole family and they have no rapes, ever.” “The people of Belgium have socialized medicine and prescriptions cost a penny.”" The people of Denmark have legalized drugs and drug related crime is non existent. Plus the rate of addiction is half of what ours is.”  And if you are taken to task with the only real topper: “Well if the people of Europe all jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” you can simply answer “Yes. Because the people of Europe take better care of their infra structure than we do and their bridges are among the safest for jumping in the world.”

If the people of Europe  do not appeal to you, the old “How can we waste millions on ( war, supporting flailing dictators, tax cuts for the wealthy etc ) when there are children starving in our own back yard?” is a time honored all purpose stall. (And this despite the truth that no matter how much  spending  is eventually curbed, or redirected and no matter which party has the majority in the Senate, the extra money is never going to be used to feed hungry kids (unless they somehow can band together and become The Church of the Hungry Youngsters, thus making them eligible for grants or tax exemptions.) As a liberal, your ace in the hole will be any parallels you might care to make to Truman, FDR or JFK, three Democratic presidents whose policies are largely forgotten. So totally fabricate your details  since almost no one you are arguing with will have the smallest grasp of what the truth is. Chances are they will be too eager to to get back to staring at their phones to give it much thought.

4.Now as you begin your argument, remember that no matter what position you take, you’ll need to open with the following: “I may not agree with what you say, but I would defend to the death your right to say it.” Say this with conviction, despite your own lingering doubts and suspicions that were you actually called upon in this capacity, there is no telling what you could be counted upon to do.

5.Finally, remember that every single thing that the other guy says is definitely  wrong. There is no such thing as believing that someone is making a few good points on the other side of the argument. Taking in new information and changing your point of view in any way, ever, is considered weak. So once  you have decided what you believe, that is it. No room for more thinking.

6.No matter which position you have taken ,whenever you feel yourself starting to get confused or losing ground, feel free to stop for a minute, take a deep breath  and kill some time with a round of  blaming the media for distortions and bias. Both sides have equal rights to this.

7.Now get arguing! And take a hint from someone who used to work on talk shows: As much as possible tune out what your opponent is saying. Just Nod. Smile. Focus on the rolodex in your head and the snacks you are going to eat right afterwards. Then make your points, say you have a plane to catch and get the hell out of there.,

P.S. Ahem. Its not til November but if you’re the kind of person who pre-orders books…(additional coughing) Also Barnes and Noble