Oh, the giddy hilarity of bras.

Posted in blog post on February 14th, 2012 by Merrill Markoe
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Well, its President’s Day and of course the excitement is palpable. So many holidays, so many opportunities to buy chairs or refrigerators. It can be overwhelming.

Obviously we humans love our holidays. In ancient Rome they had 159 publicly funded holidays a year. Three a week!  The ancient Romans were so busy packing and unpacking decorations and lights and preparing special meals for family that they forgot to notice their empire was crumbling. Maybe we like holidays so much because we rely on them for a formal excuse for celebration. As if there weren’t a million reasons to celebrate anyway! And I can think of no better example than this  catalog I got in the mail yesterday;  a perfect reminder not to overlook the simple, mundane things in life that bring us joy. Like bras. Because a woman grows up wearing one every day from about age 11 on,  it becomes so routine, she can forget about all the merriment.

So kudos to the genius who put this catalog together. He or she had the soul and the heart to remind us how nothing is more fun than a bra!  Why, you no sooner put one on then you get so giddy, you just can’t restrain yourself from clowning! Next thing you know, you’ve made yourself a bowl of cereal so enormous, there’s nothing to do but throw it in the air!  Then you eat two popsicles at the same time and follow it up with two cannolis! Why? Because one thing about hanging out in your bra: You don’t feel self conscious at all about your belly fat. Part of the magic of a bra is the way it makes you want to sit down and eat a stack of 17 pancakes (after you examine a fork full you stole from someone else, since as far as I can tell in that photo,she hasn’t touched a single one of her seventeen yet.) Or order a bucket of chicken designed for a family of 12. Then you start spearing fruit! Yep! That’s what a great bra will do for you: energize you so much you practically turn in to a fruit ninja!  Before you know it,  you’ve got a book on your head and you’re using cup cakes for glasses!                                                           So…thank you bras…for all the years of wacky hilarity. Of all the underwear, you’re like the second funniest. After underpants.

 

 

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PS: Perhaps you would like to buy my new book! Here: Read review.

For sale wherever fine books are sold. And other kinds of books.

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8 Responses to “Oh, the giddy hilarity of bras.”

  1. Valerie Harover says:

    Good morning! I just this minute finished “Cool, Calm, and Contentious” and I loved it. You are brilliant and funny and you *almost* make me want to go on one of those bonding white-water rapids things. Almost.

  2. hudson marquez says:

    This is fucking hilarious!!

  3. Hysterical. Clearly, a catalog designed by men for men, because those are some of the most ugly-ass bras I’ve ever seen. And who are these women? Poster girls for bulimics.com?

  4. S. Egan says:

    Don’t forget the joy of trying them on! Ah yes nothing like a half inch of foam rubber encased in nylon to bring a happy smile of bliss. Peaks of Mt. Rushmore that qualify as dangerous weapons. Wires that dig into areas on your body that really should be left alone. Oh and who thought that was a good idea anyway? “Let’s fence those baby’s in. This piece of steel oughta work!” I recall one elastic number that I was sure would cause a recoil that would send my youngsters sailing across the room if we hugged.
    Maybe that’s why they are so happy they have one on that fits!

  5. Claire Voyant says:

    At least we’re no longer subjected to “I dreamed I went to the opera in my Maidenform Bra!” Come to think of it, I’d rather do that than spear fruit with a book on my head. (What IS that BookHead is wearing? A chest protector? I hope it’s made of Kevlar. Something that hideous should at least save you from speeding bullets.)

  6. Dave R. says:

    It’s amazing what modern liberated women can do in their bras. There are some things, however, that they can do better without them.

  7. Al Terego says:

    I am an older gentleman and I have never felt the desire to put on a bra… only to take them off. But seeing the joy connected to the simple act of dodging drips and food stains while bouncing the double ‘D’s makes me think I’ve been missing something. If I return in my next life, let it be as an ill-fitting bra that is removed frequently.

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