New reality show helps annoying person!

Posted July 31st, 2009

I dont watch that much reality TV. Although I am hooked on Intervention . And I did go to a friends house to watch the season closer of The Bachelor.But for the most part, the stuff slithers past me . Until today. Because I just read a review of a new show in the L.A. Times that provides the first really concrete reason to stand behind reality shows as a genre.Below is the article that caught my eye. The premise of the show is another behind the scenes glimpse of a pair of young newlyweds. Bla bla bla. Soon they will be taking out mutual restraining orders.

HOWEVER the bride half of the couple explains that by watching herself on camera she now realizes how annoying she is! That is almost unheard of among the annoying . And she certainly does look annoying. I am glad she is not a relative of mine. But even more amazing, she wants to apologize to her family! Everything about this gives me hope in a whole new way! . Because lets face it; how often does an annoying person of her caliber come to understand the truth about themselves and offer sympathy to others! I am kind of relieved that  she is not saying she is going to change since that would be one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. Rather, she simply seems to understand that being annoying is what she does and who she is. At least she feels bad for the people who have to come in contact with her.  And since it appears to be written that everyone everywhere is going to be on a reality show at some point, if even a small percentage of the truly annoying people could have this kind of a revelation, what a brighter happier world this would be. Fixing the American population of annoying people one reality show at a time. Now if there was just a central place that we could all contact to make sure that a lot more annoying people will get to star in their own shows. Oh wait. I guess thats E!

TCA Press Tour: ‘Giuliana & Bill’ not afraid of the newlywed reality show curse


The drama of Giuliani & Bill will also be, well, pretty mundane. The couple said episodes will focus on the everyday stresses and strains on the recently married: moving into a house, starting a family and, in their case, commuting cross-country.

In contrast, she said being on the show has improved their relationship.

Giuliana said she also realized how annoying she could be on camera.

Im like the most annoying person! she said. If I didnt have the show, Id have never known. Now I apologize to my family for being annoying.

“Giuliana & Bill” premieres Aug. 5.

Well, the nephew just left.

Posted July 30th, 2009

I have two nephews. They used to visit in tandem, every summer, along with my brother (who is their father.) When this all started they were four and six. Now the youngest one is seventeen. I think this has something to do with an odd phenomenon this branch of my family suffers from, known as ‘the aging process’ . Luckily it is something to which I am totally immune. Anyway, this was the first year that all the visits are separate. When it used to be all three of them at once,  before they arrived I would ask my brother for a grocery shopping list because his sons are nothing if not extraordinarily specific about their taste in everything. Then,  for the weeks that they would be here, my cupboards would be full of stuff like this: Funky fries

It was a real education. If it weren’t for their visits I would never have realized that they even made chocolate french fries. (Because, you know, french fries are just not exciting enough with that whole normal boring crispy potato thing. So thank GOD someone finally thought of a way to make them more appealing!)

Over time, that darned aging process thing  caused my brother and his two sons to morph in to three planets that orbited in the same solar system but didn’t have the same trajectories. Whatever one guy wanted to do, the other guy didn’t want.Someone was always brooding.  The younger nephew is a talented graphic artist. Two years ago he did this drawing of the three of them all at cross purposes sitting in the back seat of my car the day my boyfriend and I took them on an outing to sample the exotic regional cuisine of  In and Out Burgers..

Going for burgers It pretty much explains why the visits are now solo.

So this year, on visit #1 we watched a lot of David Lynch,and  did a lot of drawing and walking out to a rock that over looks the ocean . work space

And now visit #1 has come to an end,  leaving behind only memories and an uneaten container of Boston Cream Pie flavored yogurt. Boston Cream Pie yogurtAnd my unquenchable need to know: Why did anyone ever think to make yogurt in this flavor? Can’t there be any food that doesn’t also double as a dessert? Are they already making Fudge flavored fish sticks  and Chocolate Chip baked beans? . Maybe I should run out and patent ithose ideas. Or maybe they’re already for sale. I better go check.

How to have SUMMER FUN!

Posted July 21st, 2009

1. When something interests or amuses you, make sure that not only do you know where it is but that others can find it too.point girl 1hat dude point!

2. Wear something colorful.

3. A2 ladies pointnd don’t forget to  bring a  bag.

I.P.O.: Puppyboy2.0

Posted July 9th, 2009
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I have begun the difficult but necessary task of making a corporate montage for my dog. This  early draft only scratches the surface of what the corporation can provide for investors. In the future we are expecting a lot more “media integration” Like they had for Michael Jackson.

Below is the IPO I made a few weeks ago for my corporate brand. Elsewhere on this blog is Merrill 2.0, a different version. But I am  thinking it is Puppyboy that is going to get the better rating from  Standard and Poors . Although  Morgan Stanley might be interested in bundling me with subprime mortgages.

A plate full of despair

Posted July 6th, 2009

Last night I cooked a squash in the oven. This morning, I discovered this lighter than air blob of stuff in a pan  on one of the lower racks; a porous charcoal cloud that I bet doesn’t weigh a whole ounce. It looks like what you feel like you  shed once your depression has lifted. Or the thing you got rid of when you finally stopped worrying. Or maybe its that thing that  dissolved when you woke up from a nightmare. I guess I ought to throw it away. So I took this picture. blob of despair

At long last: Rambutan

Posted July 3rd, 2009
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Its the fourth of July weekend. What that used to mean to me, when I was single, was the beginning of the downhill slide to Christmas. Because July seemed to go by in such a rapid flash that the next thing I knew, it was the part of August where the fences for the Halloween pumpkin lots started going up.  Well, come on. They have to start in August because it takes at least 60 days to get ready for Halloween. Of course, once its Halloween, then its also basically the first day of the five months of Christmas. Happily,these days Christmas doesn’t cause me the same anxiety .  So I am starting the beginning of this fourth of July weekend by celebrating my new purchase from Trader Joe’s: Rambutan.Rambutan Thank God they are finally selling it.  Because we all didn’t really have enough choices for snacks before. “Not just sweet or tart or even a combination of the two, the Japanese ‘fifth flavor’ known as Umami.” is what it says on the back of the package. I don’t know if Umami is  the Japanese way of saying “Yo Mama.” But I can tell you what freeze dried Rambutan tastes like: A very old piece of toast and jam. Like if you made yourself some and got it all slathered up but had to run out of the house and forgot to eat it. Then a week later, you found it behind something and decided that you were so desperate for a hit of flavor that you would taste it, even though you knew better. Now with new freeze dried Rambutan,  you don’t have to wait that hellish week for the bread to turn an odd combination of sweet and spongy !   I don’t know if the big Rambutan shipment is selling but I do know the reason I own this pack is because I consider it part of my job, as a cataloguer of Americana, to make a point of trying to own one of every weird thing that goes up for sale in the supermarket.fresh pie 3

Which is why I also own a pack of this: Fresh Pie. What I like best about it is that: 1. Its not pie.  2. Its not fresh. 3. It’s not NOW. Well, I guess, strictly speaking, it is NOW. If you attempt the broadest most metaphysical definition of the word “It”.

Regardless, It is one of the things that I love about living in the U.S.of A. The endlessly weird stuff for sale at the market.

Well, its almost time for me to give the dogs their annual Fourth of July sedatives so they don’t all  have a nervous break down and try to jump through windows when the explosions start. Fourth of July is basically the most frightening night of the year for dogs. And repeated explanations of The Declaration of Independence doesn’t seem to make anyone feel better or calm anyone down.  Nevertheless, Happy 4th of July.