Tags: Art, Bed Bath and Beyond, horrible art.
I went to UC Berkeley where I was an art major all the way through to a Masters degree. Why? Because in the words of the great Joe Strummer, “There’s only one answer to what you’re going to do after school and that is art school: the last resort of malingerers and people who don’t want to work.” I admit that I may have screwed around an awful lot in the name of academia. But I also learned a few things. And I was thinking of those few things today when I was waiting to get out of Bed, Bath and Beyond. While I was trapped in a lengthy check out line, I was stuck staring at the big wall full of the theoretical “art.” they sell. It was directly in front of me. There is enough of it to take up one whole side of the store.
So I started playing a game called ‘Which of these pieces of art would you buy if a terrorist had a gun to your head?” (And by the way, it took something that melodramatic for me to motivate myself in this game because the selection of framed pieces I was looking at each had the ability to ruin my mood in just a second. ) (Though even in the context of the game, I’m still not sure what would be motivating the terrorist to make such a threat . Except perhaps gleeful sadistic thrills from punishing a western infidel floozy with the rotting fruits of her culture’s decline. )
Fortunately for me, it was time to hand over the credit card before I had to finalize my difficult decision. Because there was no way I was able to pick a piece out. But on the way to the car, I began wondering what one might call the ‘school’ of art this store is selling . Not Moderne. Not Cubist. Not Impressionist or Fauvism. Not Abstract Expressionism. Not Pop. And then it came to me:
Worse by half than Twenty First Century CostPlussian and twenty First Century PierOneian.