Narcissists Say the Darndest Things: Great Quotes by Narcissists

Posted in writing on November 25th, 2009 by Merrill Markoe
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This is a page on which I hope you, the person who knows an annoying narcissist, will contribute a little something. I am seeking a collection of great memorable quotes by the narcissist in your life. I want the quote that makes your head spin and your mouth hang open with its egomaniacal cluelessness; The quote that you fish out to tell your uncomprehending friends at dinner parties in order to better describe the problem you have had with this person.newyorker-cartoon

To get the ball rolling I will give a few examples. The first is from my own mother whose comment, after reading the first professional piece of writing that I finished, was “Well, I don’t happen to care for it but I pray I’m wrong.” A close second goes to her follow up reply, after a request that she withhold any more criticism if she wanted me to show her anything else; “No more criticism? If I can’t criticize you, what am I supposed to talk about? The weather?”

Another good example comes from a mother of someone I know who commented, after being told that her daughter was molested, “Oh my God! Do you think I was?”

Okay: Your turn.

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720 Responses to “Narcissists Say the Darndest Things: Great Quotes by Narcissists”

  1. Laura says:

    My father-in-law is an amateur painter. One day we were driving past a landscape he had painted from. He was very enthused and wanted to share it with us. As we approached, instead of pointing to the beautiful landscape, he instead pointed across the road and exclaimed, “Just imagine seeing me painting there!”

  2. Lance says:

    While trying to save her relationship with her father, my wife met with him and showed him literature on narcissistic personality disorder. After giving him a description of narcissistic behavior and urging him to read the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, he looked at my wife and said, “Now who are you saying has this, you or me?”

  3. Sheila says:

    In the middle of a nonstop conversation at the bar at Taboo in Palm Beach with a friend and the gentleman next to us interrupts us, talks about himself for 20 minutes straight and then says he “used to be a narcissist” but he actually trained himself not to be a narcissist. Thank God his phone finally rang or he would never have stopped talking about himself.

  4. Melissa says:

    While my house was in the middle of burning down, (I lived about 2 blocks away) as I am watching it, my mother runs up to me hugs me, tells me she was so worried, and then in the same breath begans to scold me for not doing the dishes after I had dinner over there a few nights before. I just looked at her in disbelief

  5. tanya says:

    My N…or what I suspect to be my Narc boyfriend always says this stuff to me.
    ” you don’t know how to forgive”
    “Just be nice”
    “You’re a mean hater”
    “Go to mamby pamby land and get some self confidence”
    “I don’t know whay you’re talking about”
    “Quit lieing about me”
    “You’re too sensitive”
    “Face it you’re just like your mom”
    “You’re mom raised you to be unforgiving”
    “You’re dad leaving is why you’re so insecure”
    “Youre acting like a victim”
    “You’re the narcissist”
    “Christians are judgemental haters”
    “Ill do the opposite of what you tell me to do”
    “I’m always right would you want to be w someone who is always wrong”
    “You’re anger made me leave/cheat/lie”
    “You’re angry all the time”
    Ugh..these are just a few of the things I’ve repeatedly been told over the yrs. I could go on but its exhausting just writting it.

  6. I agree says:

    After getting me to move in w/ my two girls, later says “i liked your house more” (wtf???),costing me my job (i had four raises in four years) then saying he “cant have a girlfriend without a job”, telling repo where my car was,(right before my taxes came in), and said your so needy
    Sends a formal text message eviction (once i say im pregnant), dosent lift a finger to help move me and my girls out just watches with his feet up on the porch as my elderly dad with two torn rotator cuffs and mom with knee replacement daughters 16&6 says claims “Shes lying shes not pregnant, shes a drama queen”,says “that bitch stole $x,xxx from me” as i head to my brothers attic to share 15×20′ room with my poor girls, i meet up w him at resturant he suggested because of my dietary needs to show him pregnancy letter and he says “i suppose you think i owe you lunch” infront of waitress then says “she thinks i should buy her lunch cuz shes knocked up”, follows me to car to hand me $20!, moves another girl into his house but said “im single, and loyal” followed by “what? You didnt think i would find someone?” And cake taker….homeless, jobless, carless, pregnant and he says “im so sick of this, its just NOT FUN ANYMORE”!!!!!! So many more so, so many more.

  7. Kelly says:

    I was unemployed, single, and had a kid in college. Then I was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. I asked my (wealthy, single, NPD) father for a loan of $5,000 to hold me over through the first months, until I could figure things out. He came to my house and yelled at me because I didn’t understand how much my cancer was stressing him out and how could I ask him for money at a time like this.

    • That is a fantastic example. I hope you are feeling better these days.

      • That is so sad. If your situation wasn’t so dire, his attitude is so callous it’s laughable. I hope you’re able to ignore him and find healing peace and pleasure.
        Darlene Lancer, LMFT

      • Chertsey_Girl says:

        When my mom was dying of multiple terminal cancers the X told me to quit talking about it because it was bumming him out (his exact words). About 12 hours after she died he told me to move out (of our house) because he couldn’t stand seeing my miserable face, and a week later he asked me why wasn’t I over it yet.

        He also said he thought I had (genetically) inherited my step-father’s mental problems. I’ll say that again in case you missed it – my STEP father.

      • Those are as perfect examples of this as i can imagine. I’m glad you got away.

  8. Mary Terry says:

    Oops. I’ll try again. My NPD father deliberately overdosed my mother with morphine for over 72 hours in her hospital room while she was fighting for her life following emergency surgery to reattach her ruptured stomach to her colon. He was repeatedly told by hospital NOT TO TOUCH her morphine pump, and repeatedly lied about doing it, until she nearly (and perhaps did) stroke. When the frantic hospital staff informed me that he had endangered her very life, I had the hospital remove the pump and administer pain meds with shots by nurses. She lived 5 more months after that. When I confronted him about it, he first lied about doing it and finally nonchalantly stated “well, she didn’t die then” so he considered it no big deal. In reality, he caused her to experience utter terror although she was too drugged to even speak. She told me later that she thought she had suffered a stroke that left her unable to speak. After her death, I asked him what are his medical qualifications to administer morphine. He actually claimed (and has so claimed all my life) that he learned everything necessary about medicine from listening to his father and grandfather, both of whom were medical doctors, discuss medical issues at the dinner table when he was a boy back in the 1930s. BTW, he flunked out of high school, and flunked out of college his first semester. He has always been a two-bit salesman, eventually a self-employed salesman, because his employers and customers detested him in short order. He tells everyone, including his psychologist, that I made our family dysfunctional when I was a ten year old little girl. Of course, there is no detail or explanation of what I did as a 10 year old that rendered a family of 7 “dysfunctional”. He was about forty years old when I was ten. I have always been his scapegoat. I’m now 61 years old, recently retired from successfully practicing law for over 30 years; he is 90 years old, lives alone, is ignored by several of his children, including me. I’ve finally opted for no contact with him even though he lives next door to me, and I feel happier and healthier than ever before in my life. He refuses to inter our mother’s ashes although she has been dead for 18 months, because he thrives on his children’s consternation that we cannot have closure for our mother’s death as long as he keeps her ashes parked on top of his dresser so he can “talk to her.” I could go on with other examples, but will leave it with a prayer for God to help protect children and spouses from these monsters.

    • Misha Koby says:

      Wow.Mary, I am so sorry. In the same light my ex sociopath BF told me he didn’t need to go to therapy because his mother had worked for one, so she knew everything about it. She told me the same thing about herself, and then told me the therapist she worked for was crazy anyway.

  9. Brook says:

    I was the assistant director of a community music school. The director was such a narcissist I lasted less than a year – the job duties were best described as “assistant TO the director”. One day I was at an afternoon rehearsal for two of my students who were to put on their high school senior recitals that evening. The director walked in, interrupted them, saying she had somewhere else to go now “But what til you see what I’m wearing to your recital!”

  10. Larry Lockette says:

    My ex-girlfriend lived in a run down two bedroom home and couldn’t afford to live there. The cupboard doors were hanging off their hinges, the floors were rotting out. She was paying $725. plus utilities per month. She had no money for Christmas 2014. I gave her $750.00 for her and her son to have Christmas. I also paid part of her rent and utilities (I wasn’t living there). I paid out $300.00 for food for them for three months. Her car broke down, so I paid to have it repaired three times. That came to over $3,000.00 when all was said and done. Not being able to hold up two homes financially, I encouraged her to move with me to a three bedroom home. She did, after all, she was CHARMING and seemed so “perfect.” Our home had cable TV (which she didn’t have before). I paid on her credit cards and everything else she needed or wanted as much as possible. I asked that she only pay $800.00 per month, which was $75.00 per month more than she had been paying. I took care of the utilities and all other expenses, such as, her auto insurance… and so much more. I was in-love and though she loved me also. She kept saying she loved me.

    Over the 11 months we lived together, I took on the burden of finances, which I am very good at. She is not good at it. She got an income tax return of $5,300.00 and in three weeks she spent $3,400.00 of it… somewhere. I encouraged her to look at the budget so she would know where the money is being spent on bills, and any extra cash that went to her when possible. She refused. There was cash for her left over, so I sacrificed myself and my needs for her. Over the 11 months we were together, she went through over $15,000.00 one way or another that directly benefited her, not me.

    One day, after she was complaining to me about not “ever” having money (which she never went after her ex for child support of $200.00 per month that he wasn’t paying)… she accused me of hiding money, she told me that I like the mechanic better than her, she told me…

    “You don’t want me to have anything!” … “You want to control everything!” …The only thing I ever controlled was paying the bills on time and giving her money and added amenities that she couldn’t afford before. I never put a price on her until the day she told me that I don’t want her to have anything.

    She broke me down emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I lost my direction and my enthusiasm for love. One night I snapped and went into a rage while drinking. I yelled at her and broke a door and put a hole in a wall. I kicked her out.

    After I kicked her out she texted me and called me and set me up. She said she wanted to be friends, and she told me where she lives, invited me for Christmas (2015), invited me to spend time with her son, invited me to come over and have dinner with them. I declined all of the invitations. She copied my text after a conversation about that night I put a hole in the wall. I said in text, “I go into a rage when I drink.”

    10 days passed after she moved out, which she called and texted me several time each day, and on the 11th day I found her son’s Geco lizard in my home that he lost 5 months earlier. I came home from work at 9:00pm and took the Geco to her home to give it to her and her son. I didn’t stay and I didn’t go inside. I left within 10 minutes of arriving.

    On the 12th day, after all the invitations from her, and after taking the Geco to her home, I was served papers at my place of employment for an exparte restraining order against me. On the back of the restraining order she hand wrote that I came over to her home the night before, not mentioning the invitations nor the Geco I brought to her and her son, which is why I went there at all.

    10 days later on the 19th of August, 2014 there was a hearing. She told the judge that she “just wants to be at home safe with her son,” and she brought photos of the wall and door. She also recorded me yelling at her. The judge went for it. I ended up with a one-year No Contact Protection From Abuse order (no direct or indirect contact), and I ended up with court costs of $195.00 and she took my $450.00 phone. The judge told her she could keep it. It was my phone, in my name, my contract, my phone number… which I loaned her in the beginning of our relationship, telling her that if it didn’t work out to please make sure I get it back. She said she would, and that she would never take anything of mine that wasn’t hers.

    She took a collectors edition DVD set that my son gave to me for Father’s Day. She took my TV and DVD player remotes.

    I was wrong to yell, break a door and put a hole in a wall. She had broken me down so severely that I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped… and I had endured her narcissistic bullshit for 8 months out of 11 months of being together.

    That is what a narcissist will do. Those are the things a narcissist will say. She smeared me all over the place, telling others what a bad man I am. She charms everyone she meets and she uses them by getting their sympathy. She plays the victim all the time. She made herself out to be my victim, then she victimized me… broke me down, then set me up and got away with getting a restraining order on me, which will be on my record for the rest of my life.

    Note: This post is not direct or indirect contact with the plaintiff. I am exercising my U.S. Constitutional Right to form an opinion about any matter. I am exercising my U.S. Constitutional Right of Freedom of Speech. In no way is this post direct or indirect contact with the plaintiff, nor should anyone reading this ever tell the plaintiff that this post is something I wanted them to communicate to her from me. I am not communicating this to the plaintiff, I am expressing and forming an opinion regarding a matter that I was involved in with the plaintiff. Direct contact means “Face to face” contact from me with the plaintiff. Indirect contact means telling a family member, friend, co-worker, or other, to go tell the plaintiff something for me. This post is not in either of those two forms. It is posted on a public forum specifically designed to voice my opinion on a matter of narcissism, as stated. This post is IN NO WAY directed at the plaintiff, neither direct nor indirect contact.

  11. nick says:

    My unprincipled nod mother once told me she wasnt lazy. She would get her multiply disabled sons caregivers to do it. Ending that conversation walking away stating” I’m a delight to and a.privilege o work with

  12. Pam says:

    When I was a teenager, my narc mother made me mad at something ( she always did at some point). My sister and I still lived at home at the time and we both have our stories of abuse from Mommy Dearest. I stormed off and slammed my bedroom door. My mother then said to my sister ” She must have been raped at some point in her life. She is so angry.” Now coming from a narc, this is something that probably happened to her and I am getting blamed for it. One thing I have found is, If they are blaming you for it, then it is something that they did or was done to them. Something they said etc. It is a disturbing statement though and damaging to say the least. She is a chronic liar, but I caught on and I started taping conversations while in my house. I have proof that my mother is sneaky and awful behind closed doors. She has lied, gaslighted, triangulated to the point that I got fed up and started taping her because nobody would believe me. they believe me now.

  13. Lil_bitz says:

    “Do you know how crazy that sounds?”is the biggest one. As well as “you’re just weak-minded”

  14. Xena says:

    Context: We have a baby together- we live in nearby separate apartments. My Narc is 48 years old a lovable if deadbeat dad to our 8 month old – Disappeared for the night after saying he would come home to my place. Left me hanging. Didn’t respond to queries like “are u still af work?” He went out drinking instead. Texted me back the next morning to say he woke up drunk on the floor of his apartment and wanted me to come fellate him, leaving our 8 month old infant with a babysitter. I said i was concerned that he chose to spend his time and money binge drinkingand couldnt give us time or money toward childcare – he replied “If i knew you were going to be like this today i would have picked up someone at the bar last night”. Also told me other women he had dated had liked coming to him hungover because they think it is cute. And said “i dont want to change I want a blow job.” And “go find somebody else to hate, i will find someone else to love.”

  15. Misha Koby says:

    My sociopath ex BF has a best friend who is a full on malignant narcissist. The narc is his
    (my ex sociopaths) main flying monkey and care taker. They are a bonded pair. Anyway here is his best quote after all the crap went down with them and their tag teamed discard My favorite line was from the narc frying to defend the cheating, lying ex sociopath was, ” why do you think a loyal man would cheat?” Of course insinuating I had done something to make it ok to be cheated and lied to..

  16. Havanna says:

    I was with a narc for 3 years, not knowing that he is not what it means.
    Early I realized he had a lot of troubles: always sad, aggressive, everyone is against him, always complaining, weird arguments, women only used or betrayed him, it continues. So for 3 years I tried my best to set up a positive vibe, help him get out of this muddy mood, arranging a lot of stuff,brought up a lot of ideas for a change, bottom line I did all i could trying to make him feel better. Thiuggt he was just unlucky and needed some support to stand a little taller. Little did I know.
    Time came, that he was bored of my support. My advice was called “overprotecting”, reacting jealous when he let himself cheer up by other girls was called “overreacting”, and so on. I got miserable. I thought I am depressed. And then he dropped this line “You made me lose my smile!” That’s what he said to me after I lost my smile because of all his bullshitting….

  17. Elizabeth says:

    In 1999, when our son was 18 months old, I broke my toe. Within an hour, it was so bruised & swelled that I couldn’t get it into my shoe. I asked my (now ex) husband to take family sick leave & stay home to help me w/the baby. He said he would only stay home if I went to a Dr. & had confirmation that it was actually broken. I said nothing could be done for a broken toe & did not want to go to a Dr. He left for work & before he closed the door behind him he said, “Have fun hobbling around.”

    in 2012, after refusing to cut a couple of pieces of wood for me, I finally asked my (now ex) husband a question. I said, “If a neighbor, a co-worker, a family member or a friend asked you to cut this wood, would you turn any of them down?” He responded, “No”. I then asked, “Why are you nice to everyone but me?” He then said, “Because YOU don’t DESERVE my niceness.” He turned the adjective “nice” into a noun. His “niceness” is a tool he uses to manipulate & control people.

  18. Gee says:

    I was with my ex for 3 years. He was good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders right. Little by little I started to notice that something was just “off” with him. Those moments were few and far between though. As things progressed and he would antagonize me, of course I’m going to stick up for myself. He would say that I was angry and that I needed to seek help. Or that he was joking and I needed to just laugh at him and that he wanted to be with someone that “understood” him. HA! He tells me one day that he’s so afraid of me that he feels like I’m going to physically hurt him. Our last day together he hit me across my jaw and as I went down he hit my from behind. I now have a restraining order. They are master projectionists.

  19. Matt says:

    My ex girlfriend was the “damsel in distressed victim”/covert Narcissist;
    And I – the naive empath “knight in shining armor”/codependent Cancer;

    So basically the wolf in sheep’s clothing meets the sheep in wolf’s clothing… When we met, she was surrounded by drama, two kids to take care of, dead beat dads, abusive exes, a no good father, and a horrible boss! Claiming to be the victim on every count… We worked together (and our boss was a bit of a jerk). Long story short, I got involved in the drama to stick up for her, we both got fired – and I was duped into taking care of her and her kids for almost a year while she did NOTHING! Other than complain. I came up with several ways that she could help out, and she somehow dodged every one of them! By the end I’d spent nearly $40,000 on her and her kids, just by working odd jobs – clearing my savings – and getting personal loans that I had to repay alone long after she left… of course, she promised to start paying it back “later” (obviously that never happened). But, she DID say some of the craziest **** on the plan-net! Here’s a few of my favorites. The first two months, during the-


    After she gets into it with the boss and curses him out. I wrote him a ‘more professional’ email trying to resolve the issue – defending HER – but respectfully. And the next day we both get fired! Boss saw me first and says “I gotta let you go.”

    Me — Okay, I understand.

    He walks over to her; “you too! Pack it up.”

    GF — “ugh – what did I do?”

    As if to say – He wrote the email – don’t fire me! Then a few weeks later;

    Me — things are tight, but – I’d say finding you was worth it.

    GF — “unless I just like, dumped you right now. That’d be funny – right?

    Me — Ha – yeah – I’d be pretty bummed out. How about you? Say I left…

    GF — “Huh?… Oh yeah – I’d be so MAD if you left me. But – you won’t.”


    Me — (said jokingly) Man! I wish I didn’t have any ethical boundaries. I could just go- rob a bank or something – Ha ha – ha…

    GF — (immediate response, with a calm, stone cold- non-expression) “Ethical Boundaries are just the limitations that losers apply to themselves.”


    Me — I don’t know else I can do – you seem miserable all the time and I keep trying to help, but it’s not! Just tell me how I can help.

    GF — “Forget it – you’ll just never be able to understand me. You just don’t get it. And you aren’t trying! Ugh – No wonder your mother hated you.”

    Me — seriously? Cuz that was called for… I’m trying every day – when were you going to put some effort in huh? In fact, what’s my favorite color? What kind of music do I like? I know you, but I can’t think of one time that you’ve asked about me, or anything I do. So?

    GF — “So? What?… I don’t really like anything you do!”


    Me — babe, I really need some help with these bills, I’m down 20k already. What about doing like a daycare thing here at the house? Or maybe some yard sales? I’ve got a few things we could sell…

    GF — “I swear, all you care about is Money! You keep trying to manipulate me by holding it over my head! Why don’t YOU, get a job? You ever thinka that slick? I had a job before YOU scr**ed me out of it!”


    Me — hey, I need you to help with (one of her kids). I told her not to throw my cat off of the balcony anymore, and she just said, “shut up or I’ll cut your face” and threw “Mr meowgi” over the rail – right in front of me! (this is all true btw). So I put her in time out – and she’s kicking the door in!

    GF — “well, you ‘ticked’ her off! What did you think would happen? It’s bad enough they are stuck in this prison – eating the same thing day after day, and you are constantly getting on-to them for being kids! I mean dude, she’s a little girl. She doesn’t have the mental capacity or the dexterity to cut your face off. Please, grow up.”

    Me — well it has been a little hard not to get frustrated, when you refuse to even change out of your pajamas all day, sleep till 2pm, do nothing till I get back at 7pm (from doing everything I can to keep food on the table) Then complaining until you fall asleep.

    GF — “well, your anger (or) your ”frustration” problem has become a problem. I mean YOU ARE SO SELFISH… you ever think about what I WANT? Or MINE and MY KIDS needs? When do I GET MY TURN? I WANT some ME TIME? You think I WANTED this? I NEVER get to do anything – I WANT!”


    Me — babe, you are being manipulative and dishonest at this point. We can’t kee#-

    Me — You know what? Go – please! Be my guest. But, that means today. Now. I’m done.


    Me — So – I guess you’ll send me a check then? For all the money I’ve spent and borrowed for you and yours, that I’ll be paying off for another year?


    Me — K then… bye.

    Never heard another word…

  20. Michael Cote says:

    My father, who abandoned my mother and left her to raise four children by herself, had this to say upon meeting my infant son, his first grandchild: “He looks like me.”

  21. Michelle Tom says:

    “Oh, you’re so chunky but its so SOLID” (my mother hugging me after a long absence… thanks? I think?)

    and this ole nugget..

    “Gosh isn’t gorgeous? We made her, you know” (umm I don’t remember you being in the bed, mother!)

    ya gotta laugh

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