Narcissists Say the Darndest Things: Great Quotes by Narcissists
Posted in writing on November 25th, 2009 by Merrill MarkoeTags: assholes, egomania, narcissism, Narcissists, quotes
This is a page on which I hope you, the person who knows an annoying narcissist, will contribute a little something. I am seeking a collection of great memorable quotes by the narcissist in your life. I want the quote that makes your head spin and your mouth hang open with its egomaniacal cluelessness; The quote that you fish out to tell your uncomprehending friends at dinner parties in order to better describe the problem you have had with this person.
To get the ball rolling I will give a few examples. The first is from my own mother whose comment, after reading the first professional piece of writing that I finished, was “Well, I don’t happen to care for it but I pray I’m wrong.” A close second goes to her follow up reply, after a request that she withhold any more criticism if she wanted me to show her anything else; “No more criticism? If I can’t criticize you, what am I supposed to talk about? The weather?”
Another good example comes from a mother of someone I know who commented, after being told that her daughter was molested, “Oh my God! Do you think I was?”
Okay: Your turn.
I know this is terribly long, but I felt like I needed to share the entire thing so you could see just how deep this narcissism runs within my mother. To setup her email to me: about 2 and half years ago my folks moved to Arizona from Ohio, relocating for my dad’s company. It worked out great for him, since he always wanted to retire in AZ anyway. My mother seemed keen on the idea as well. Apparently it wasn’t going over so well with my mom. Christmas day, that year, my mom packed up a bunch of pills, took off in her car to Sedona, and called my dad saying that she was going to kill herself. Panic ensued until later that evening when she finally calmed down and came back home. Being outside my mom’s sphere of influence for several years, I could see this “suicide attempt” for what it actually was – a desperate attempt to get all eyes on mom. I was horrified and indescribably angry and let her know. There were some emails back and forth, which culminated in this, my mom’s tour de force:
So, I slept on your email….well, tried to sleep, but it cut me to the core. I know that’s what you intended so consider yourself successful.
I feel that if I tried to explain to you what I think happened, it would fall on deaf, very judgemental ears. If I didn’t know that this is your MO in all circumstances, I would take it very personally. But that IS what you do…….to everyone you are assoiciated with. Always quick to harshly judge, you have no tolerance or compassion for others that are troubled or hurting.
The week following “my stunt”, I was really in a bad way and didn’t talk or see anyone but your dad. I didn’t go on facebook or talk to anyone on the phone. Not even Aunt R who was my angel in all this. I did some deep reflection. I was full of shame and embarassment for what I put everyone through. Dad taking me to the circus and out dish shpping was his loving way of supporting me through a dark night of the soul….accepting me as I am, loving me inspite of my troubles, and trying to help me feel better. I am not sure you are capable of understanding this concept….it’s called unconditional love. I never felt that from you and long ago stopped expecting it. You are a bit wrapped up in yourself and are not very good when it comes to bumps in the road. You have very strong opinions on how people should behave and you make no concessions for the humaness of people.
You do whatever it is you need to do regarding me and “my stunt”. You really have no idea. But the people who were effected by this have called, emailed, sent cards,….just plain loved me right though it. It’s what we do when someone is hurting. We don’t judge, condemn, or profess to be an expert on how or why some painful circumstance is taking place. You don’t have to tell me that a simple apology will not cut it this time. It just happened and it wasn’t about YOU. This time….just this once, it was about someone other than you and how things effect YOU.
They say that if someone in my position that day tells another about their intentions, the are calling out for help. I guess that’s what I was doing…..reaching out to those who love me to help me…..I was drowning in emotions and fear….and so very tired. Couldn’t you have just put a hand out for me? Couldn’t you have just seen me as a desperate person needing the people who are supposed to love her? Life is not cut and dried. There are many gray areas that don’t fall into your black and white ways of thinking. It would do your heart some good to loosen up a bit and be a little more loving and less critical.
Anyhow, more than anything, I hope that in time you can love me inspite of my shortcomings as a human being. I am a work in progress and I don’t see that ever changing. I have always tried to be good to you, S (wife) and my deeply loved grandchildren. I would hate if I couldn’t be in their lives. I am crying just thinking about it.. I love you all so much. But you have to do what you have to do. I can only pray that one day you can forgive me and we can move on. Otherwise, I wll have to deal with it as part of the consequeces of my behavior that day. I get that.
Shaun, through the years, you have shown me clearly how little you want to do with me…….never answering your phone when we call, never checking in with us to see how we might be, etc. So, I have tried to give you your space hoping one day we would matter to you. I will still keep hoping. I love you….can’t help it. You are my son. I wish I could be the perfect mom for you….but no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. That’s why forgiveness is key.
Love,
Mom
Wow. She sounds an awful lot like my mother. And what makes it really complicated (and why you need to read all the books on narcissism in the world) is that she is intelligent and knows how to turn it all around so it falls back on you. You are the one who wasn’t caring about the feelings of others. You are the one who thinks only of your self. That is so so so confusing until you understand how it all works. It took me years. Start reading and keep reading!! Good luck. Whew.
When my N, now ex husband, and I were separating but still living in the same house ( unemployed for 2 years with PhD-couldn’t get him to leave despite his having a 3 million dollar house on the Chesapeake owned by his family to go to ) he came home early from a holiday with them. Uh-oh, I hadn’t cleaned up the kitchen to his satisfaction thinking he’d be back as he said the next day ( I was living on the third floor and he on the second of a large house and we avoided being in the kitchen together). He began breaking plates and screaming he wanted me out of the house, threw me down on the floor. I called 911. He was in the Officer’s face wanting to know what the Officers were doing there. I told the Officer’s I wanted them to take his hand gun as i was afraid of him. He purchased a hand gun despite my protests for “protection” despite a perfectly functioning alarm system in the house. ( Police wouldn’t take the gun because it was registered and told me I could get a PFA the next day). The Officer asked him, “Sir, are you intending to shoot this woman?” His response: “Hell no, she’s already made too much of a mess in this kitchen, why would I want to add her bloody carcass to the display.”
I bought “Cool, Calm & Contentious” after seeing your wonderful interview with Jon Stewart. I was expecting a light, humorous book and instead felt rather grim and depressed through the first part of the book because I felt you were describing MY mother. And then I hit your chapter about narcissim–a term I’ve heard, but only had a vague idea of its meaning. Wow, that hits the nail on the head! Your statement that “You can’t please the unpleaseable” is so simple, but so true. In a way, it’s very sad that my mother (and apparently yours) never seemed to really feel joy or contentment. My mother said some very hurtful things over the years to my dad, brothers, sister, and me–she felt it her duty to critique–and it seemed all conversations came back to her and that she had all the answers. I personally found it easier to just nod and kinda tune her out–a lot less conflict that way. I won’t go into the depths of conflicts, but give as an example just one little incident similar to probably thousands. Last time she visited me (I moved across the country), she was 85. She said she could really go for some pepperjack cheese, so I settled her in for her favorite soap opera, got in the car and went to the grocery store, bought some pepperjack cheese, and brought it home. I brought it to her on a TV tray along with crackers and a drink, and she said, “Oh no…I really don’t like it deli-sliced. I wanted just a block of cheese.” I smiled very sweetly and said quietly, “Just say ‘thank you’.” BTW, I very much enjoyed the rest of the book, but your one chapter on narcissim will stay with me forever. Wish I had read it years ago. Thank you.
This page is a godsend. This is how I like to describe the Mother:
If you looked up “narcissism” in the dictionary, and my mother’s picture wasn’t there, she’d be disappointed she wasn’t featured.
She vacillates from delusions of grandeur to victim in the blink of an eye.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Others say, “Oh, you’re mother is so charming.” To you, maybe.
A friend told me to read your piece on narcissistic mothers. It was like being hit in the face with a mirror, but less painful.
Because of that, I started reading a book about narcissistic mothers, and — again — oh my god it makes sense. I’d thought she was just depressed. No, she’s depressed AND narcissistic.
This is how a typical conversation with her goes, from tonight:
Me: “Hey, cool, [sister-in-law] just had a baby boy!”
Mom: “Oh, that’s too bad, I was hoping they’d have a girl.”
Me: “…what?”
Mom: “Well, I’m not going to tell *her* that. Around her I’ll be good. Just — a girl would have been nice.”
So. Several minutes on, armed with my newfound confidence and awareness:
Me: “Um. Okay. So. Mom, I’m reading this book, and I think it’ll help you, if you look at it.”
Mom: “Okay, what’s it called?”
Me: “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.”
Mom: “Why are you reading this? Do you think I’m a narcissist?”
Me: “Did I say you were a narcissist? I did not! In fact, that’s a rather narcissistic thing to say!”
Mom: “…oh.”
The chances of her reading it are low. The ability to finally, finally turn it back on her? Already helping me.
Forget about the book. As the subtitle says …its for Healing THE DAUGHTERS. Its not for the mothers.
After finding out my now ex was lying about going out to dinner and spending time after work with a married co-worker, whom he is now living with, he told me he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I would react that way. He means I would get highly upset, hurt and even mad, because this is the second time something like this happened and he never apologized for it only to tell me I need to get over it and move on. Oh there is much more to this N, getting mad and being completely vindictive towards me as if I’m the one that cheated and abandoned his family. The new GF is just his cheerleader making this double the pain.