RE: The Super Bowl: How I tried to win a million dollars last year
Posted in blog post on February 5th, 2010 by Merrill MarkoeTags: commercials, contest, Doritos, Merrill Markoe, Super Bowl
Okay, I know it is The Superbowl on Sunday but I don’t watch any sports. There. I said it. None. Nothing. And I am fortunate enough to now live with a man who shares my lack of interest. (In fact, just last night he said to me “Who is playing this year? The Monkeys versus The Coconuts?”)I also never enter contests. Never ever. But for some insane reason last year, when I saw that there was a contest that was about winning a million dollars by making a Dorito commercial, I was moved to try and win. I thought “I can’t be the worst person entering this contest. And maybe I will be one of the best!” And thus, in the throes of a delusional headwind, did I make a theoretical Dorito commercial that would have aired on the Super Bowl broadcast last year had I won a million dollars. Which I didn’t.
I should add at this point that I didn’t prepare for the task by studying those supposedly impressive commercials that air on the Super Bowl so I had no idea what ball park I was supposed to be playing in. That wasn’t smart. And on top of that I don’t like Doritos. Not at all. Where salty snacks are concerned, Doritos are not in my top twenty. Looking back, I have to think that neither of these things worked in my favor.
That said, I made a hypothetical Dorito commercial. And here it is. Its nothing at all like the kind of commercials the Dorito company associates themselves with. I didn’t know that then. I do now. My Dorito CommericalDorito Commerical
Come on…you have to give it up for my Dorito trees! I carefully waded through many bags of Doritos in order to select just the ones with a big loopy fold so I could organically drape them over my plants. Proving once again that you can take the girl out of the art school, but you can’t take the art school out of the girl. In fact, lets re visit some highlights of my Dorito plants. Andy thinks that I would have collected the million if we had only referred to the raw fruits of the Dorito plant as “dorts”. Somehow I don’t think this would have changed anything.
DORITODOR. I just died laughing at this.
Thanks so much. I knew I would make at least one person laugh who didn’t live at my house. Now I have met her. If only you had been on the judging committee, I would be tipping you for your kind remark with a hunsky!
Hysterical. Dorito’s loss, if you ask me, though maybe they were worried they’d have to add a disclaimer::”Animals ingesting Dorito’s may experience nausea, vomiting, bloating ….” You get the picture.
But…the Puppy Bowl!! Ah, heck you are probably the color commentator.
http://animal.discovery.com/tv/puppy-bowl/puppy-bowl.html
whatever they used for their commercial for me wasnt as memorable as yours. I agree, Dorito’s lost. They went on to finance Colbert’s presidential run, which shows you more what they were looking for, maybe. Hey sell it to the Puppy Bowl. Maybe not for $1million – but…maybe some bags of Pedigree ®?
Another person is laughing!
They’ll be sorry some day.
Many years ago, before any of you were a twinkle in anyone’s eye, someone on a night show (Jack Parr, ever hear of him?) had a film of natives in Italy harvesting spaghetti trees.
I guess he got of feedback via snail mail expressing excitement and wonder. Many had wondered where it came from. Of course, it was grainy and in b & w, but it looked so authentic.
Yours is a keeper!
I’ve watched this like 17 times now. I may have a problem. The “animals coming from the mountains to graze” part gets me every time. This thing needs to go viral, as the kids say.
Someday I will craft a well-timed kind remark and be rewarded with a hunsky but that day continues to elude me.
That is, “Many had wondered” where spaghetti had come from.
I not only know who Jack Paar is, I had dinner at his house a couple of times in the eighties when I was connected to the always delightful world of talk shows. I vaguely remembering hearing something about that spaghetti harvest as a kid. Maybe it was buried in my unconscious under all the post it notes about unanswered phone messages, the many unused tubes of free Estee Lauder gift lipstick and pounds of dryer lint that I have been saving for decades.
I wonder if it’s on youtube somewhere?
I remember my father talking about that for days!
Uuuh, was he (Paar) quite old then, when you ate at his house? I think I was in middle school when he was on tv, and I’m old. I say it first before anyone makes a comment.
If you need more dryer lint , I could send some. I imagine the postage wouldn’t be much. I hear it’s good kindling for starting camp fires.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27ugSKW4-QQ
God, I’m obsessive! Once I thought of it, I had to find it. For those of you who haven’t seen this, give it a look.
Merrill,
I laughed until I cried. Then my husband came into the room to see what I was laughing at and he howled (but didn’t cry).
Everything about it was funny. Try again. Maybe next year they’ll have judges with a better sense of humor.
Thank you so much, Judy. Your comment made my night. Well, your comment and the fact that no one made me watch The Super Bowl.
Wow. Its really great. Thanks for the link!
I wasn’t impressed with last night’s commercials, and I only saw a fraction. My favorites are usually the babies talking about the stock market, and sometimes puking.
Doesn’t the fact that I never remember WHO the sponsor is, seem odd?
If I don’t remember that, it wouldn’t make me buy the product.
—–and if no one makes you watch the Super Bowl, you are truly blessed.