Narcissists Say the Darndest Things: Great Quotes by Narcissists
Posted in writing on November 25th, 2009 by Merrill MarkoeTags: assholes, egomania, narcissism, Narcissists, quotes
https://www.thephysicaltherapyadvisor.com/2024/09/18/2ean9hy This is a page on which I hope you, the person who knows an annoying narcissist, will contribute a little something. I am seeking a collection of great memorable quotes by the narcissist in your life. I want the quote that makes your head spin and your mouth hang open with its egomaniacal cluelessness; The quote that you fish out to tell your uncomprehending friends at dinner parties in order to better describe the problem you have had with this person.
enter To get the ball rolling I will give a few examples. The first is from my own mother whose comment, after reading the first professional piece of writing that I finished, was “Well, I don’t happen to care for it but I pray I’m wrong.” A close second goes to her follow up reply, after a request that she withhold any more criticism if she wanted me to show her anything else; “No more criticism? If I can’t criticize you, what am I supposed to talk about? The weather?”
follow url Another good example comes from a mother of someone I know who commented, after being told that her daughter was molested, “Oh my God! Do you think I was?”
follow site Okay: Your turn.
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Buy Genuine Diazepam My father-in-law is an amateur painter. One day we were driving past a landscape he had painted from. He was very enthused and wanted to share it with us. As we approached, instead of pointing to the beautiful landscape, he instead pointed across the road and exclaimed, “Just imagine seeing me painting there!”
https://www.drcarolineedwards.com/2024/09/18/xc3jx4cagoy While trying to save her relationship with her father, my wife met with him and showed him literature on narcissistic personality disorder. After giving him a description of narcissistic behavior and urging him to read the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, he looked at my wife and said, “Now who are you saying has this, you or me?”
https://www.modulocapital.com.br/zii3bfi45fs In the middle of a nonstop conversation at the bar at Taboo in Palm Beach with a friend and the gentleman next to us interrupts us, talks about himself for 20 minutes straight and then says he “used to be a narcissist” but he actually trained himself not to be a narcissist. Thank God his phone finally rang or he would never have stopped talking about himself.
watch While my house was in the middle of burning down, (I lived about 2 blocks away) as I am watching it, my mother runs up to me hugs me, tells me she was so worried, and then in the same breath begans to scold me for not doing the dishes after I had dinner over there a few nights before. I just looked at her in disbelief
Buy Genuine Diazepam Online My N…or what I suspect to be my Narc boyfriend always says this stuff to me.
” you don’t know how to forgive”
“Just be nice”
“You’re a mean hater”
“Go to mamby pamby land and get some self confidence”
“I don’t know whay you’re talking about”
“Quit lieing about me”
“You’re too sensitive”
“Face it you’re just like your mom”
“You’re mom raised you to be unforgiving”
“You’re dad leaving is why you’re so insecure”
“Youre acting like a victim”
“You’re the narcissist”
“Christians are judgemental haters”
“Ill do the opposite of what you tell me to do”
“I’m always right would you want to be w someone who is always wrong”
“You’re anger made me leave/cheat/lie”
“You’re angry all the time”
Ugh..these are just a few of the things I’ve repeatedly been told over the yrs. I could go on but its exhausting just writting it.
follow link After getting me to move in w/ my two girls, later says “i liked your house more” (wtf???),costing me my job (i had four raises in four years) then saying he “cant have a girlfriend without a job”, telling repo where my car was,(right before my taxes came in), and said your so needy
Sends a formal text message eviction (once i say im pregnant), dosent lift a finger to help move me and my girls out just watches with his feet up on the porch as my elderly dad with two torn rotator cuffs and mom with knee replacement daughters 16&6 says claims “Shes lying shes not pregnant, shes a drama queen”,says “that bitch stole $x,xxx from me” as i head to my brothers attic to share 15×20′ room with my poor girls, i meet up w him at resturant he suggested because of my dietary needs to show him pregnancy letter and he says “i suppose you think i owe you lunch” infront of waitress then says “she thinks i should buy her lunch cuz shes knocked up”, follows me to car to hand me $20!, moves another girl into his house but said “im single, and loyal” followed by “what? You didnt think i would find someone?” And cake taker….homeless, jobless, carless, pregnant and he says “im so sick of this, its just NOT FUN ANYMORE”!!!!!! So many more so, so many more.
https://vbmotorworld.com/8adgdgf6 I was unemployed, single, and had a kid in college. Then I was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. I asked my (wealthy, single, NPD) father for a loan of $5,000 to hold me over through the first months, until I could figure things out. He came to my house and yelled at me because I didn’t understand how much my cancer was stressing him out and how could I ask him for money at a time like this.
Buy Chinese Diazepam That is a fantastic example. I hope you are feeling better these days.
Buying Diazepam Uk Online That is so sad. If your situation wasn’t so dire, his attitude is so callous it’s laughable. I hope you’re able to ignore him and find healing peace and pleasure.
Darlene Lancer, LMFT
http://www.whatiscodependency.com
https://luisfernandocastro.com/dcwj1y9g When my mom was dying of multiple terminal cancers the X told me to quit talking about it because it was bumming him out (his exact words). About 12 hours after she died he told me to move out (of our house) because he couldn’t stand seeing my miserable face, and a week later he asked me why wasn’t I over it yet.
see He also said he thought I had (genetically) inherited my step-father’s mental problems. I’ll say that again in case you missed it – my STEP father.
https://luisfernandocastro.com/10zrp10rxm Those are as perfect examples of this as i can imagine. I’m glad you got away.
https://www.parolacce.org/2024/09/18/hli2maan Oops. I’ll try again. My NPD father deliberately overdosed my mother with morphine for over 72 hours in her hospital room while she was fighting for her life following emergency surgery to reattach her ruptured stomach to her colon. He was repeatedly told by hospital NOT TO TOUCH her morphine pump, and repeatedly lied about doing it, until she nearly (and perhaps did) stroke. When the frantic hospital staff informed me that he had endangered her very life, I had the hospital remove the pump and administer pain meds with shots by nurses. She lived 5 more months after that. When I confronted him about it, he first lied about doing it and finally nonchalantly stated “well, she didn’t die then” so he considered it no big deal. In reality, he caused her to experience utter terror although she was too drugged to even speak. She told me later that she thought she had suffered a stroke that left her unable to speak. After her death, I asked him what are his medical qualifications to administer morphine. He actually claimed (and has so claimed all my life) that he learned everything necessary about medicine from listening to his father and grandfather, both of whom were medical doctors, discuss medical issues at the dinner table when he was a boy back in the 1930s. BTW, he flunked out of high school, and flunked out of college his first semester. He has always been a two-bit salesman, eventually a self-employed salesman, because his employers and customers detested him in short order. He tells everyone, including his psychologist, that I made our family dysfunctional when I was a ten year old little girl. Of course, there is no detail or explanation of what I did as a 10 year old that rendered a family of 7 “dysfunctional”. He was about forty years old when I was ten. I have always been his scapegoat. I’m now 61 years old, recently retired from successfully practicing law for over 30 years; he is 90 years old, lives alone, is ignored by several of his children, including me. I’ve finally opted for no contact with him even though he lives next door to me, and I feel happier and healthier than ever before in my life. He refuses to inter our mother’s ashes although she has been dead for 18 months, because he thrives on his children’s consternation that we cannot have closure for our mother’s death as long as he keeps her ashes parked on top of his dresser so he can “talk to her.” I could go on with other examples, but will leave it with a prayer for God to help protect children and spouses from these monsters.
https://traffordhistory.org/lookingback/l6mdbbzorf Wow.Mary, I am so sorry. In the same light my ex sociopath BF told me he didn’t need to go to therapy because his mother had worked for one, so she knew everything about it. She told me the same thing about herself, and then told me the therapist she worked for was crazy anyway.
source url I was the assistant director of a community music school. The director was such a narcissist I lasted less than a year – the job duties were best described as “assistant TO the director”. One day I was at an afternoon rehearsal for two of my students who were to put on their high school senior recitals that evening. The director walked in, interrupted them, saying she had somewhere else to go now “But what til you see what I’m wearing to your recital!”
https://trevabrandonscharf.com/ht9lds6ngna My ex-girlfriend lived in a run down two bedroom home and couldn’t afford to live there. The cupboard doors were hanging off their hinges, the floors were rotting out. She was paying $725. plus utilities per month. She had no money for Christmas 2014. I gave her $750.00 for her and her son to have Christmas. I also paid part of her rent and utilities (I wasn’t living there). I paid out $300.00 for food for them for three months. Her car broke down, so I paid to have it repaired three times. That came to over $3,000.00 when all was said and done. Not being able to hold up two homes financially, I encouraged her to move with me to a three bedroom home. She did, after all, she was CHARMING and seemed so “perfect.” Our home had cable TV (which she didn’t have before). I paid on her credit cards and everything else she needed or wanted as much as possible. I asked that she only pay $800.00 per month, which was $75.00 per month more than she had been paying. I took care of the utilities and all other expenses, such as, her auto insurance… and so much more. I was in-love and though she loved me also. She kept saying she loved me.
https://www.thoughtleaderlife.com/fhrd5za Over the 11 months we lived together, I took on the burden of finances, which I am very good at. She is not good at it. She got an income tax return of $5,300.00 and in three weeks she spent $3,400.00 of it… somewhere. I encouraged her to look at the budget so she would know where the money is being spent on bills, and any extra cash that went to her when possible. She refused. There was cash for her left over, so I sacrificed myself and my needs for her. Over the 11 months we were together, she went through over $15,000.00 one way or another that directly benefited her, not me.
https://vbmotorworld.com/fyljq0d6q0m One day, after she was complaining to me about not “ever” having money (which she never went after her ex for child support of $200.00 per month that he wasn’t paying)… she accused me of hiding money, she told me that I like the mechanic better than her, she told me…
enter “You don’t want me to have anything!” … “You want to control everything!” …The only thing I ever controlled was paying the bills on time and giving her money and added amenities that she couldn’t afford before. I never put a price on her until the day she told me that I don’t want her to have anything.
https://www.modulocapital.com.br/x8nhjkiq84j She broke me down emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I lost my direction and my enthusiasm for love. One night I snapped and went into a rage while drinking. I yelled at her and broke a door and put a hole in a wall. I kicked her out.
source link After I kicked her out she texted me and called me and set me up. She said she wanted to be friends, and she told me where she lives, invited me for Christmas (2015), invited me to spend time with her son, invited me to come over and have dinner with them. I declined all of the invitations. She copied my text after a conversation about that night I put a hole in the wall. I said in text, “I go into a rage when I drink.”
https://everitte.org/i9s0n01z5sc 10 days passed after she moved out, which she called and texted me several time each day, and on the 11th day I found her son’s Geco lizard in my home that he lost 5 months earlier. I came home from work at 9:00pm and took the Geco to her home to give it to her and her son. I didn’t stay and I didn’t go inside. I left within 10 minutes of arriving.
Buy Valium Bulk Uk On the 12th day, after all the invitations from her, and after taking the Geco to her home, I was served papers at my place of employment for an exparte restraining order against me. On the back of the restraining order she hand wrote that I came over to her home the night before, not mentioning the invitations nor the Geco I brought to her and her son, which is why I went there at all.
https://boxfanexpo.com/z2amlrw2v9 10 days later on the 19th of August, 2014 there was a hearing. She told the judge that she “just wants to be at home safe with her son,” and she brought photos of the wall and door. She also recorded me yelling at her. The judge went for it. I ended up with a one-year No Contact Protection From Abuse order (no direct or indirect contact), and I ended up with court costs of $195.00 and she took my $450.00 phone. The judge told her she could keep it. It was my phone, in my name, my contract, my phone number… which I loaned her in the beginning of our relationship, telling her that if it didn’t work out to please make sure I get it back. She said she would, and that she would never take anything of mine that wasn’t hers.
source She took a collectors edition DVD set that my son gave to me for Father’s Day. She took my TV and DVD player remotes.
go here I was wrong to yell, break a door and put a hole in a wall. She had broken me down so severely that I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped… and I had endured her narcissistic bullshit for 8 months out of 11 months of being together.
source site That is what a narcissist will do. Those are the things a narcissist will say. She smeared me all over the place, telling others what a bad man I am. She charms everyone she meets and she uses them by getting their sympathy. She plays the victim all the time. She made herself out to be my victim, then she victimized me… broke me down, then set me up and got away with getting a restraining order on me, which will be on my record for the rest of my life.
https://www.fandangotrading.com/jepuf3usf3e Note: This post is not direct or indirect contact with the plaintiff. I am exercising my U.S. Constitutional Right to form an opinion about any matter. I am exercising my U.S. Constitutional Right of Freedom of Speech. In no way is this post direct or indirect contact with the plaintiff, nor should anyone reading this ever tell the plaintiff that this post is something I wanted them to communicate to her from me. I am not communicating this to the plaintiff, I am expressing and forming an opinion regarding a matter that I was involved in with the plaintiff. Direct contact means “Face to face” contact from me with the plaintiff. Indirect contact means telling a family member, friend, co-worker, or other, to go tell the plaintiff something for me. This post is not in either of those two forms. It is posted on a public forum specifically designed to voice my opinion on a matter of narcissism, as stated. This post is IN NO WAY directed at the plaintiff, neither direct nor indirect contact.
My unprincipled nod mother once told me she wasnt lazy. She would get her multiply disabled sons caregivers to do it. Ending that conversation walking away stating” I’m a delight to and a.privilege o work with
When I was a teenager, my narc mother made me mad at something ( she always did at some point). My sister and I still lived at home at the time and we both have our stories of abuse from Mommy Dearest. I stormed off and slammed my bedroom door. My mother then said to my sister ” She must have been raped at some point in her life. She is so angry.” Now coming from a narc, this is something that probably happened to her and I am getting blamed for it. One thing I have found is, If they are blaming you for it, then it is something that they did or was done to them. Something they said etc. It is a disturbing statement though and damaging to say the least. She is a chronic liar, but I caught on and I started taping conversations while in my house. I have proof that my mother is sneaky and awful behind closed doors. She has lied, gaslighted, triangulated to the point that I got fed up and started taping her because nobody would believe me. they believe me now.
“Do you know how crazy that sounds?”is the biggest one. As well as “you’re just weak-minded”
Context: We have a baby together- we live in nearby separate apartments. My Narc is 48 years old a lovable if deadbeat dad to our 8 month old – Disappeared for the night after saying he would come home to my place. Left me hanging. Didn’t respond to queries like “are u still af work?” He went out drinking instead. Texted me back the next morning to say he woke up drunk on the floor of his apartment and wanted me to come fellate him, leaving our 8 month old infant with a babysitter. I said i was concerned that he chose to spend his time and money binge drinkingand couldnt give us time or money toward childcare – he replied “If i knew you were going to be like this today i would have picked up someone at the bar last night”. Also told me other women he had dated had liked coming to him hungover because they think it is cute. And said “i dont want to change I want a blow job.” And “go find somebody else to hate, i will find someone else to love.”
That is a very depressing story. He’s horrible.
My sociopath ex BF has a best friend who is a full on malignant narcissist. The narc is his
(my ex sociopaths) main flying monkey and care taker. They are a bonded pair. Anyway here is his best quote after all the crap went down with them and their tag teamed discard My favorite line was from the narc frying to defend the cheating, lying ex sociopath was, ” why do you think a loyal man would cheat?” Of course insinuating I had done something to make it ok to be cheated and lied to..
Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhh.
I was with a narc for 3 years, not knowing that he is not what it means.
Early I realized he had a lot of troubles: always sad, aggressive, everyone is against him, always complaining, weird arguments, women only used or betrayed him, it continues. So for 3 years I tried my best to set up a positive vibe, help him get out of this muddy mood, arranging a lot of stuff,brought up a lot of ideas for a change, bottom line I did all i could trying to make him feel better. Thiuggt he was just unlucky and needed some support to stand a little taller. Little did I know.
Time came, that he was bored of my support. My advice was called “overprotecting”, reacting jealous when he let himself cheer up by other girls was called “overreacting”, and so on. I got miserable. I thought I am depressed. And then he dropped this line “You made me lose my smile!” That’s what he said to me after I lost my smile because of all his bullshitting….
PERFECT. That is EXACTLY the way it works . By the end, you are right back at the beginning. The good news is thatif you can see it, you can leave. The trick is being able to see it.
In 1999, when our son was 18 months old, I broke my toe. Within an hour, it was so bruised & swelled that I couldn’t get it into my shoe. I asked my (now ex) husband to take family sick leave & stay home to help me w/the baby. He said he would only stay home if I went to a Dr. & had confirmation that it was actually broken. I said nothing could be done for a broken toe & did not want to go to a Dr. He left for work & before he closed the door behind him he said, “Have fun hobbling around.”
in 2012, after refusing to cut a couple of pieces of wood for me, I finally asked my (now ex) husband a question. I said, “If a neighbor, a co-worker, a family member or a friend asked you to cut this wood, would you turn any of them down?” He responded, “No”. I then asked, “Why are you nice to everyone but me?” He then said, “Because YOU don’t DESERVE my niceness.” He turned the adjective “nice” into a noun. His “niceness” is a tool he uses to manipulate & control people.
I was with my ex for 3 years. He was good looking and seemed to have his head on his shoulders right. Little by little I started to notice that something was just “off” with him. Those moments were few and far between though. As things progressed and he would antagonize me, of course I’m going to stick up for myself. He would say that I was angry and that I needed to seek help. Or that he was joking and I needed to just laugh at him and that he wanted to be with someone that “understood” him. HA! He tells me one day that he’s so afraid of me that he feels like I’m going to physically hurt him. Our last day together he hit me across my jaw and as I went down he hit my from behind. I now have a restraining order. They are master projectionists.
My ex girlfriend was the “damsel in distressed victim”/covert Narcissist;
And I – the naive empath “knight in shining armor”/codependent Cancer;
So basically the wolf in sheep’s clothing meets the sheep in wolf’s clothing… When we met, she was surrounded by drama, two kids to take care of, dead beat dads, abusive exes, a no good father, and a horrible boss! Claiming to be the victim on every count… We worked together (and our boss was a bit of a jerk). Long story short, I got involved in the drama to stick up for her, we both got fired – and I was duped into taking care of her and her kids for almost a year while she did NOTHING! Other than complain. I came up with several ways that she could help out, and she somehow dodged every one of them! By the end I’d spent nearly $40,000 on her and her kids, just by working odd jobs – clearing my savings – and getting personal loans that I had to repay alone long after she left… of course, she promised to start paying it back “later” (obviously that never happened). But, she DID say some of the craziest **** on the plan-net! Here’s a few of my favorites. The first two months, during the-
LOVE BOMBING PHASE;
After she gets into it with the boss and curses him out. I wrote him a ‘more professional’ email trying to resolve the issue – defending HER – but respectfully. And the next day we both get fired! Boss saw me first and says “I gotta let you go.”
Me — Okay, I understand.
He walks over to her; “you too! Pack it up.”
GF — “ugh – what did I do?”
As if to say – He wrote the email – don’t fire me! Then a few weeks later;
Me — things are tight, but – I’d say finding you was worth it.
GF — “unless I just like, dumped you right now. That’d be funny – right?
Me — Ha – yeah – I’d be pretty bummed out. How about you? Say I left…
GF — “Huh?… Oh yeah – I’d be so MAD if you left me. But – you won’t.”
—MONEY GETS TIGHTER;
Me — (said jokingly) Man! I wish I didn’t have any ethical boundaries. I could just go- rob a bank or something – Ha ha – ha…
GF — (immediate response, with a calm, stone cold- non-expression) “Ethical Boundaries are just the limitations that losers apply to themselves.”
DEVALUATION PHASE;
Me — I don’t know else I can do – you seem miserable all the time and I keep trying to help, but it’s not! Just tell me how I can help.
GF — “Forget it – you’ll just never be able to understand me. You just don’t get it. And you aren’t trying! Ugh – No wonder your mother hated you.”
Me — seriously? Cuz that was called for… I’m trying every day – when were you going to put some effort in huh? In fact, what’s my favorite color? What kind of music do I like? I know you, but I can’t think of one time that you’ve asked about me, or anything I do. So?
GF — “So? What?… I don’t really like anything you do!”
WEEKS LATER;
Me — babe, I really need some help with these bills, I’m down 20k already. What about doing like a daycare thing here at the house? Or maybe some yard sales? I’ve got a few things we could sell…
GF — “I swear, all you care about is Money! You keep trying to manipulate me by holding it over my head! Why don’t YOU, get a job? You ever thinka that slick? I had a job before YOU scr**ed me out of it!”
MONEY IS NEARLY GONE;
Me — hey, I need you to help with (one of her kids). I told her not to throw my cat off of the balcony anymore, and she just said, “shut up or I’ll cut your face” and threw “Mr meowgi” over the rail – right in front of me! (this is all true btw). So I put her in time out – and she’s kicking the door in!
GF — “well, you ‘ticked’ her off! What did you think would happen? It’s bad enough they are stuck in this prison – eating the same thing day after day, and you are constantly getting on-to them for being kids! I mean dude, she’s a little girl. She doesn’t have the mental capacity or the dexterity to cut your face off. Please, grow up.”
Me — well it has been a little hard not to get frustrated, when you refuse to even change out of your pajamas all day, sleep till 2pm, do nothing till I get back at 7pm (from doing everything I can to keep food on the table) Then complaining until you fall asleep.
GF — “well, your anger (or) your ”frustration” problem has become a problem. I mean YOU ARE SO SELFISH… you ever think about what I WANT? Or MINE and MY KIDS needs? When do I GET MY TURN? I WANT some ME TIME? You think I WANTED this? I NEVER get to do anything – I WANT!”
DISCARD PHASE;
Me — babe, you are being manipulative and dishonest at this point. We can’t kee#-
GF/DEVIL — “HOW DARE YOU! I’M NOT GONNA SIT HEAR AND LISSINNA U CALL ME SOME HORRIBLE PIECE OF TRASH ANYMORE! JUST NAG NAG NAG ALL DAY! WHO COULD DEAL WITH YOU!”
Me — You know what? Go – please! Be my guest. But, that means today. Now. I’m done.
GF — “SHUT UP I’LL LEAVE WHEN I WANT! HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE(my own house)JACK**S!”
Me — So – I guess you’ll send me a check then? For all the money I’ve spent and borrowed for you and yours, that I’ll be paying off for another year?
GF — “NOPE! YOU – ARE CHOOSING MONEY OVER OUR RELATIONSHIP. THAT IS WHAT’S HAPPENING. I DON’T OWE YOU S**T!
Me — K then… bye.
Never heard another word…
My father, who abandoned my mother and left her to raise four children by herself, had this to say upon meeting my infant son, his first grandchild: “He looks like me.”
“Oh, you’re so chunky but its so SOLID” (my mother hugging me after a long absence… thanks? I think?)
and this ole nugget..
“Gosh isn’t gorgeous? We made her, you know” (umm I don’t remember you being in the bed, mother!)
ya gotta laugh
My grandmother to my brother last Thanksgiving: “You look too old to be my grandson!” (My brother has been undergoing dialysis for 2 years and is waiting on a kidney. He looks tired and sick because he is.) I immediately intervened with “Excuse me! Would you like to try again? I suggest Happy Thanksgiving or Hello.”
“I don’t see why you’re taking offense,” she replied. “You take after me; you look younger than your age. Of course, your extra weight helps.”
We basically stuffed hors d’oeurves in her mouth and directed her to shut up and watch the Macy’s Parade.
Haa! A DOUBLE HEADER! I love “the extra weight helps.” That is hilarious.
I was friends with someone in journalism school. After graduating we ended up working at the same place. She was very successful and after a few years she moved on to a competing broadcaster. After she left we were locked out….like a strike but not quite. While locked out she called me to invite me to get dinner. I said I couldn’t, I had to picket or I wouldn’t get the meagre strike pay that I needed to make rent and in any case didn’t have the money to spend on eating out right now. She replies….genuinely angry….”that place, even after I leave it’s still fucking up my life, it’s so unfair!” A long time coming, but we finally fell out after that one.
The other night I invited an old art school friend out to dinner. He’s a phenomenally successful art dealer who could, if he wanted to -which he doesn’t- make my fine art career with the blink of an eye. During dinner he checked his phone several times-there was an auction in progress where some paintings were being sold. He pointed out that a small one just went for 4 million. “…and I have some of the big ones!’
He then came over to my place, and remarked on one of my new and best paintings: “Very Palms Springsy!”
After some reflection, I have decided that, for all his millions, his three fabulous homes, his fame and importance, he is jealous of me. Because who would dare insult an artist so cruelly –a friend- that way, without some reason? Palm Springsy? Palm Springsy? How very dare you? You might easily say that about a mid-century couch, a diner, hors d’oeuvre, or flower arrangement, but never to an artist about her latest, most favorite painting. Also, I secretly feel that he does like my work. I know him.
My dad is a classic well-functioning narcissist. I have many “good” stories about things he said, but one of the best is probably when I was getting married and decided to invite my stepmother through 18 years, now divorced from him. He got really upset about this and nagged me for months to uninvite her, finally writing a long e-mail about how this was more important to him than me, since this was his life it was all about! At my wedding…
Another good one is a conversation between him and my mother some years after their divorce. He talked about how he could always hurt her more in their arguments, and how she seemed not to be able to hurt him. She then told him that of course she could but she chose not to. He actually has a little bit of insight, as he realised this was probably correct.
Oh, and then there’s the time on Christmas evening, when he drank a lot of gin and took sleeping pills to go to bed, but my stepmother wouldn’t let him, so we had this brooding, drunk, stoned dad in the corner. He did all this, because he was mad that we, his grownup children, had thought, we should have anything to say about who should decorate the Christmas tree. Big fight ensued when the smaller half-siblings were put to bed, and he actually said right out: “I have to be everything or I’m nothing”.
He’s HORRIBLE. Stay away from him. Nothing good can come of contact with a guy who is proud of his superior ability to hurt someone.
I have a very little contact with him, and only over phone. He’s sick with cancer, and I prefer knowing what’s happening. I have to add, that he was actually slightly ashamed about my mothers retort. He’s been unselfish towards me once, where he bought a place for me to live in a hard time in my life, even though he had to fight with his current wife about it (and he couldn’t even expect to make money on the flat). Of course it’s weighed against all the other times! But at least once in my life he saw my troubles and helped with no benefit and significant trouble to himself.
Even after learning that my (now ex) husband likely had NPD, I gave him multiple chances to try and save our marriage by getting counseling. He would repeatedly tell me, “I don’t need counseling, I know exactly what to do because I AM a counselor.” Yes, he had a so-called bachelor in marriage & family counseling from a correspondence course, and he used it to diagnose everyone else around him, just fuel for his constant criticism. One of the most jaw-dropping things he said to me, as he was moving out of our house and starting to have a complete melt-down, “You’re going to hell for doing this to me. No matter what you would have done to me, I would never have left YOU!!” Very sad, indeed.
Walking with my mother through a local farmers market that I did some volunteer work to help organize. I introduced her to one of the vendors, who said, “Oh, so nice to meet you. We are so grateful for all that you daughter has done for the farmers market and the community.”
My mother: “Oh, well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”
On a Friday morning, I asked my partner if he wanted to have sex. Before I could finish my question he said a very loud and final “No”. Frustrated (because this wasn’t the first time I had felt rejected that week, and this was a common argument in our relationship), I stormed out of the bedroom and spent the rest of the day frustrated, which I expressed to him several times, and not in a very calm way. The following week, during a discussion with our therapist, he said he actually did want to have sex with me that day, and that he had said “no” because he was “trying to teach me a lesson”. He said he wanted me to feel “safe” enough in our relationship to express my needs and say “I want to have sex” instead of asking the very indirect and easy to misunderstand question “Do you want to have sex”.
Aaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
From kitty@chatelain.us
After flying 8 hours from overseas to visit my parents, my Mom
immediately rushes me to her closet to show me her new clothes. Then
says “I’d let you borrow my new pants if you could get your fat
ass into them.” I just grimaced and walked away. A few minutes
later, I’m making lunch in the kitchen and trip over her dog. She
says “Dog, you should know better than to get beween fat people and
food.” To which I calmly (and emotionlessly) said, “Please stop
calling me fat.” Her reply? “Well, I just can’t say anything.”
Wow.
Just flagging this in case you didn’t mean to include the writer’s email. And also just wanted to say thank you, your narcissism posts and this thread have been very helpful.
These are so fun and yet so sad to read! Here’s my contribution – married almost ten years to a narcissist before I just couldn’t do it any more..
I had asked my (now ex) husband to think about how his rage episodes (screaming, cursing, hitting the wall, etc) were affecting the life of our young son and I. After some deliberation he said “well my grandfather was a real jerk and everyone talked about how mean he was. I don’t want you and Chayton [son] to be always telling stories of how mean I am. That would be awful.”
Yep, that was his version of empathy – if he did awful things people might talk about it and then – how awful for him!
So thankful I’m not in that toxic world any more.
The narcissist in my life is my mother in law. One comment of hers immediately came to the very top above all others.
I was 39 when my mother died. We were very close, and I was devastated. The first Christmas after she was gone, my mother in law told me that “It makes it so much easier for me now that she’s gone. I don’t have to share you and my son with her anymore.”
Whoa.
I should start a new page here called “Rewrites for narcissists.” where narcissists can check in with their ideas for comments about touchy situations and get suggestions for a whole other way to go with it. Of course being narcissists they probably would fly into a rage over the suggestion that they were doing anything wrong.
This isn’t exactly a quote, but after identifying my own mother as a narcissist, and then my mother-in-law as a narcissist, I had trouble convincing my husband that his mother in fact had this personality disorder. We then learned she had named him for Paul, the main character in D. H. Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers. Plot description: Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence is the story of Paul, a man who is basically controlled by his mother. She is unhappy in her own marriage and focuses on Paul when he has been violently ill. The relationship between mother and son becomes more and more unhealthy over time and assumes an Oedipal aspect.
OMG
I love when real life decides to write a short story. That’s so GREAT.
And of course as I altered my own behavior in light of my new knowledge about narcissism, my annoyed husband said, “You just want to do what you want to do, when you want to do it!”
Quite right! That relationship went through quite a shift.
Those of us who were raised by narcissists have to embark on our own learning curve in terms of figuring out how a relationship is supposed to work. We were trained in a warp. Among other things, we have to get rid of a lot of weird ideas about our own power over others. And about what is required of us in an interaction. Its a bumpy ride but the destination is an improvement.
My ex-husband is definitely a narcissist. The last year of our marriage he took a “temporary” job in another city and would come home for weekends, grumpy and expecting me to cater to him. One time I developed pneumonia. My ex yelled at me that I “ruined his weekend.” He also refused to care for our young children while I took a shower. From then on he said it was a rule that I was not to shower on “his weekends.” Another time, while I was still trying to salvage our marriage, we were seeing a couples therapist that could prescribe medication. He was prescribed meds for his ADHD. He told me, “If I have to take pills, you have to take pills too. You need help.” Oh I got help. From a divorce lawyer.
Well, that’s as ghastly a series of circumstances as I have seen on here. I am glad you got out alive. Now if we can all just do the same with
Trump…
November can’t get here soon enough!
After I got out of a 6-day-stay at the psych ward, my mom sent me a lovely image emblazoned with the words “In my darkest days, when I feel inadequate, unloved, and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am, and straighten my crown.”
It’s not the worst example, but it may be the funniest.
If I was giving awards, this would definitely be a winner.