RE: The Super Bowl: How I tried to win a million dollars by making a Dorito commercial.

Posted in blog post on January 30th, 2012 by Merrill Markoe
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Okay, I know it is The Superbowl next Sunday. And I know this, even though I don’t watch any sports. There. I said it.  None. Nothing. And I am fortunate enough to now live with a man who shares my lack of interest. (In fact, just last night he said to me “Who is playing this year? Is it the Spiders versus The Coconuts?”)

If there is one thing I do even less than watch sports, it is enter contests. At least not since  I was eight.  Even then, it has seemed like an exercise in exploring  Fran Lebowitz’s comment about entering The Lottery (“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”).  Nevertheless, for some insane reason  in 2009, when I saw that there was a contest that offered  a prize of  a million dollars for making a Dorito commercial that was supposedly going to air on The Superbowl, I had a momentary brain white out and decided to enter.  “No way I can be the worst person entering this contest.” I said to myself, I said, I said, ” And who knows? Maybe I will be one of the best!”

And thus did I throw myself in to this delusional headwind,  and spend one crazed weekend making a theoretical Dorito commercial.   I should add at this point that I didn’t prepare for my task by studying existing Dorito commercials  to make sure that I was playing the correct ball park. No no….None of those creativity restrictions for me. So, that wasn’t smart. I should have done my research. But instead, inspired by my own idea, I just leaped forward.  And I did this despite the fact that I don’t even like Doritos. Where salty snacks are concerned, Doritos have never been in my top twenty.  Looking back, that probably didn’t work in my favor either.

Still, I very much liked the idea of winning a million dollars.  So come with my now to the golden year of 2009 as we look at my hypothetical theoretical Dorito commercial . . CommericalDorito Commerical

Come on…you have to give it up for my Dorito trees!

I carefully waded through many bags of Doritos in order to select just the ones with a big loopy fold so I could organically drape them over my plants.  Proving once again that you can take the girl out of the art school, but you can’t take the art school out of the girl.  In fact, since I’m reviving this whole memory for my own humiliation, I’d like to now  re visit some highlights of my Dorito plants.  Andy (who also supplied the voice over) thinks that we would have won if we had  referred to the raw, still-to-be-picked fruits of the Dorito plant as “DORTS”.

I could be wrong, but somehow I don’t think this would have changed anything.

dorito trees


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Here’s the cover! Looks great, right?

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7 Responses to “RE: The Super Bowl: How I tried to win a million dollars by making a Dorito commercial.”

  1. Margaret says:

    I think it’s brilliant!!!!! In fact, I am craving a Dorito right now!

  2. Lucy says:

    I like this a WHOLE lot better than Leno’s “We’ll make more” ad. In fact, I’m going out NOW to buy some Doritos.

    Oh, wait. I bet Publix is sold out of snacks today.

  3. cassie says:

    This was very funny (even though I couldn’t see your submissions–I imagined them). And tomorrow I go to Barnes & Nobles to get your Nose Down,Eyes Up. Sounds hilarious!!

    ps-We aren’t sports people either. Who won? The Coconuts or Spiders??

    • As you know by now, The coconuts won! Why couldn’t you see my ‘submissions’? They seem to be working on my computer. What browser are you using?

      • Using internet explorer…Just revisited this post to see if your videos came up and still nothing. On other posts (of yours) I haven’t had any problem though. Okay, back to the blogisphere!

  4. Mitch says:

    I laughed.

  5. Kate says:

    That is the best commercial I have ever seen. If TV had commercials like that, I would subscribe to cable again.

    And, Dorito trees are oddly beautiful.

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