Narcissists Say the Darndest Things: Great Quotes by Narcissists
Posted in writing on November 25th, 2009 by Merrill MarkoeTags: assholes, egomania, narcissism, Narcissists, quotes
https://traffordhistory.org/lookingback/7v9gis3pj This is a page on which I hope you, the person who knows an annoying narcissist, will contribute a little something. I am seeking a collection of great memorable quotes by the narcissist in your life. I want the quote that makes your head spin and your mouth hang open with its egomaniacal cluelessness; The quote that you fish out to tell your uncomprehending friends at dinner parties in order to better describe the problem you have had with this person.
go site To get the ball rolling I will give a few examples. The first is from my own mother whose comment, after reading the first professional piece of writing that I finished, was “Well, I don’t happen to care for it but I pray I’m wrong.” A close second goes to her follow up reply, after a request that she withhold any more criticism if she wanted me to show her anything else; “No more criticism? If I can’t criticize you, what am I supposed to talk about? The weather?”
https://semnul.com/creative-mathematics/?p=6yvp3pr92s6 Another good example comes from a mother of someone I know who commented, after being told that her daughter was molested, “Oh my God! Do you think I was?”
https://vbmotorworld.com/qg3ty8g Okay: Your turn.
https://trevabrandonscharf.com/16fl2rh This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 at 10:44 and is filed under writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
Buy Diazepam Uk Next Day Delivery Me: “Oh, look, I think I broke my toe! ”
Mother-in-law: “I’ve had a headache all day.”
https://everitte.org/r6l6q3u Me: “Remember our wedding?”
Mother-in-law-: “Yes, I thought I’d be sad, but I wasn’t.”
source link Mother-in-law: “Here’s your present, a purse. Now, if it’s not your taste, just tell me, because it really is more my taste, and I could really use a purse like this, so just tell me if you want it or not. Merry Christmas.”
Buy Valium Diazepam Online I hope this Mother-in-Law’s quivering twitching son alternates gasping for air with some comprehension of whats going on. All three are great but that last one really won my heart. It doesn’t get much better than that.
https://www.modulocapital.com.br/0927x9ryf My mother used to tell me “I live through you.” I would say, “Well stop it!” That was a lot of pressure to put on a kid, especially since she didn’t seem to be enjoying life at the time.
https://livingpraying.com/7hthesmhb2j Not sure if this will count but I’ll write it anyway.
Buy Diazepam Online 5Mg My friend was in a nightclub one night (one known to be full of Leisure Suit Larry’s). He complimented a girl on her hair but wasn’t hitting on her. Her boyfriend’s buddy walked over and said:
https://www.drcarolineedwards.com/2024/09/18/ce6p1ccc “F*ck you dude. I’ll kick your ass. I’m a cage fighter!”
Buy Genuine Diazepam Online Buying Diazepam In The Uk I’m a cage fighter is now the running joke with all our friends.
follow I hope I don’t get scolded…I have a story rather than a great quote:
https://www.thephysicaltherapyadvisor.com/2024/09/18/crcv1x9jvoc During a visit to my husband’s family Holiday gathering, my father-in-law became annoyed with his 16-year-old granddaughter, after she had made a remark to her father about something, which her father was doing, which annoyed her. So, my father-in-law, in his normal narcissistic fashion turned the incident into something about him and asked his granddaughter if she found him to be obnoxious too. She responded by saying, “I’d rather not answer that question”
go to site He became so enraged, that he came into the kitchen where my husband, sister-in-law and I were standing and talking…he stormed in, passed in between the three of us, picked up a utensil on the kitchen counter, slammed it on the counter, turned to my sister and told her that she had raised the most inconsiderate, rude and despicable child that he had ever met, grabbed his coat, climbed into the back seat of our car and sat there until my husband and I were ready to leave. Leaving my niece in the living room in tears, my sister-in-law insisting that she apologize, my husband trying to get us ready to leave and my brother-in-law and me speachless.
https://www.thoughtleaderlife.com/dl32shqfpa On the way to the car, I told my husband that I would not spend the following hour and a half, listening to my father-in-law grousing about the preceding events. So, after being told that we would not discuss what had just happened, he sat in the back seat pouting the entire way home. It was the nicest car ride that we have ever had with him in tow. Ever!
https://traffordhistory.org/lookingback/dhqvx5nttg Wow. That’s got so many complex layers of the holiday joy that just one good narcissist can bring to a family gathering. I love him baiting his granddaughter in to fight while at the same time retaining the sense that he is the victim, then pouting all the way home. It would be a great short film. Learning to live with (and not interrupt) someone’s showboat pouting since it is one of the best most desirable outcomes, all things considered, is one of the most complicated things about learning to cope with narcissism (in my opinion)
follow site I live in California, and told a friend I would be flying back to my original home in the Midwest to receive an award and give a short speech at a banquet because I was to be inducted into a Sports Hall of Fame in honor of an athletic achievement of my youth. The friend replied “well, are they sending you a free airline ticket? Because if they’re not, then you shouldn’t go, they’re just using you to provide free entertainment”. Upon reflection, and upon reading some of these other instances, I can’t help but think they are uttered by people who maybe have achieved very little and are acutely conscious of it, and any sort of thing such as being a person who doesn’t need to rip down others is just very provocative to such folk, who strongly feel their lackings at all times, and that be the cause of these bizarre self-absorbed outbursts. Comedy does come from tragedy. Thanks to everyone for sharing, I do feel healed by you all.
here @Estelle I’m not sure if you are implying that narcissists are underachievers or not, but I can assure you that my father, a world class N, was also an extremely accomplished man. Of course, he was bored out of his mind if he found himself in a conversation that wasn’t centered on him or his interests, but he didn’t need to bring other people down to build himself up. In fact, he didn’t consider other people long enough to ever do that. He just changed the subject back to himself or pouted.
Buy Diazepam Msj That said, my mother, oddly an N herself (odd because she was married to one, and you won’t think a marriage would last 40 years that was occupied by two narcissists), is like the person you described. I think their marriage worked because my father spent so much time out of the house working and traveling for his work, and my mother was queen of her home. She also enjoyed riding the coat tails of Dad’s accomplishments and loved playing the grieving widow after he passed as she was invited as guest of honor to ceremonies where he as honored posthumously.
Buy Valium Roche Uk But back to my main point, I can think of several N’s I know who are quite accomplished academically and/or professionally, not to mention filled with charm and charisma that they are able to turn on and off like a faucet.
Order Valium From Canada That is correct. Its a personality disorder. Its an emotional disability. It has nothing at all to do with I.Q. and that’s why its hard to understand at first. Because its easy to believe that someone smart would know how to overcome childish petty and mean behavior. But guess again!
https://everitte.org/jsbyf4jm My younger sister was the maid of honor in my wedding (I chose her just to avoid the fight that would insue if I had chosen my best friend instead). Here is a list of ways in which she attempted to make my wedding all about her:
https://www.drcarolineedwards.com/2024/09/18/ss4ipojahc -She threw a tantrum because I “wasn’t grateful enough” to her for planning my bachelorette party, even though I made a toast specifically to thank her. She texted me all night afterwards trying to make me feel guilty and say sorry.
https://marcosgerente.com.br/nevuxpr -She bitched at me everytime I did something wedding related without her because she is the maid of honor and has to help plan the wedding, even though she lives in a different state.
Buy Loose Valium -She called me and told me I don’t give a shit about her being in the wedding because we decided to open gifts with my inlaws the day after the wedding, but she had to fly out that morning and couldn’t come.
Buy Valium Sleeping Tablets -She wore a revealing bridesmaid dress, fake eyelashes, and red lipstick on the wedding day, made “model-like” faces in all our pictures, instead of smiling, and wore ugg boots after the ceremony. I was too busy to notice any of this the day of, and only found out when I got our pictures back, lol.
Buy Diazepam Wholesale -She has harrased me to email her all the photos of HER from our wedding so she doesn’t have to buy them off of the website our photog used. She has sent texts with phrases like: “why is this so hard for you? It’s like pulling teeth.” “Please send me the picture of me getting my makeup done, it’s not that hard.”
source link Thanks for being the best MOH ever sis! Man I am glad the wedding is over and I can just hang out with my husband 🙂
Cheap Valium Bulk One of my N mom’s favvvvvvorites is the silent treatment. Check out cartoon #2 out of the 10 here on this link:
http://offthemark.com/search-results/key/silent/
Also #3 and #10 are pretty spot on – these are kinds of things that brighten my holidays
OK – one more – just for you Merrill:
So, many years ago, I travel back home to bring what I think is “the perfect guy” to meet my parents in California. He’s got a lot of degrees & is a: east coaster – scientific – yet sporty – (& snarky) – type guy. I’m dressed up, he’s prepped, and we’re coming for lunch & “sparkling getting-to-know-you conversation”.
Within 2 minutes of when I walk in the door, my N mom hands me a tray full of Comet and Windex & sponges for me to clean 2 powder-room bathrooms, because some of her friends are coming over later that afternoon for coffee.
Even my semi-N now Ex said “wow, that takes balls”
Good one, Mary! i want to say more about my family, but i’d rather quote the news.
This is anAP article at from http://3.ly/mansonSpeaks
NEW YORK — Marilyn Manson says he was devastated over the breakup of his marriage to model and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese.
“I was completely destroyed. I had no soul left,” the glitzy goth rocker, 38, says in Spin magazine’s June issue. “I define myself as a person, a human, an artist, as someone who makes things — writing, painting, music — and I couldn’t do anything.”
Manson, [born Brian Warner]married Von Teese in November 2005. She filed for divorce in December. “She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn’t,” Manson says.
“I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. … I came out of this naked, a featherless bird.”
His outlook changed when his friendship with actress Evan Rachel Wood, 19, turned romantic. He tells the magazine he was impressed when she said she would die for him.
“It might sound strange, but this made me want to live,” he says.
What a great sick example. Amazing.
Summations from the Empty World: oddly, even during anti-ego critiques only egos are seen, floating forlornly…
“My performances have finally caught up with my ego.” -Ato Boldon
“The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos, crazy for love.”
– Niccolo Machiavelli 1469-1527)
“The whole business is built on ego, vanity, self-satisfaction, and it’s total crap to pretend it’s not.”
– George Michael
“I’ve given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can’t divorce a book.”
-Gloria Swanson
“Real love is when you become selfless and you are more concerned about your mate’s or children’s egos than your own. You’re now a giver instead of a taker.” -Sylvester Stallone
“An actor is totally vulnerable. His total personality is exposed to critical judgment – his intellect, his bearing, his diction, his whole appearance. In short, his ego.” -Alec Guinness
“Effeminate men intrigue me more than anything in the world. I see them as my alter egos. I feel very drawn to them. I think like a guy, but I’m feminine. So I relate to feminine men.”-Madonna
I do like what Ellen has to say
““Our egos tells us we’re the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We’re the only ones with a relationship. We’re the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you’re ruining. There’s a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. ‘Did you hear about Chris?….Killed yeah….Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she’s got her legs full I’ll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn’t hurt a fly. It’s just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they’re so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.’”
– Ellen DeGeneres
Here’s more quotes while we await more great storytelling.
“Because that’s what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking ‘Damn, I’d like to shag myself.’”- Eddie Izzard
“Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist while you react to life in his own terms”- Elizabeth Bowen
“I always thought I should be treated like a star.”-Madonna
“I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity” -Diana Vreeland
“It astounds us to come upon other egoists, as though we alone had the right to be selfish, and to be filled with eagerness to live”-Jules Renard quotes (French Writer, 1864-1910)
“The spotlight will always be on me, but it’s something I’m learning to live with as the years go by.”
-David Beckham
“My mother wanted me to become a doctor. But I became… Picasso!”
I’m coming to this one late, but it’s a topic dear to my heart!
My mother, at all three funerals I’ve attended where she’s spoken (great-aunt, grandmother, and my father, who – just a note – she had been divorced from for many years at the time of his death), began her eulogy by saying:
“I’d like to thank you all for coming out to support me.”
Congratulations! That’s a great one!!!
agreed! a keeper! that’s beautiful.
at a reception for my cousin’s wedding, my stepmom took her assigned seat. saying “at least there’s some good news this year” she passed around an article about her exhusband whod shed been divorced from for 30 years. it was his death notice
WHO’S THE BRAT?
from the nypost
“Ivana Trump’s meltdown on a Delta-Northwest flight from West Palm Beach, Fla., to La Guardia wasn’t the first time the divorcée ran afoul of fellow passengers. Just months before she was taken off Saturday’s flight pre-takeoff after calling nearby children “little [bleep]ers” and berating flight attendants, Ivana acted “miserable that she was put in coach and not first class” and spent her time “complaining the nearby children were acting like monsters,” Page Six reported in September. Fellow passenger Andrew Frank said she called his two kids “barbarians” and told him to “shut them up.” Muttered one jaded jet-setter, “I guess there’s no point in inviting Ivana to the New Yorkers for Children ball this year.” Plus, sources say, two summers ago — on a stopover in Athens en route from Nice to Mykonos for a party — Ivana was so abusive to airline personnel, they wouldn’t allow her to board, and she had to take a later flight.
Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/ivana_no_fun_to_fly_with_Ina8mXRal6BdfSGdoFOhQP#ixzz0b23w6qKs“
EINE KLEINE “ME TIME”
there’s a common narcissistic component to depression- only what YOU feel counts. this feeling can kill you. check out this craigslist “rants and raves” post.
and next time you jump off a cliff, could you feed the kids first?
Visit the posting at http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/1524075390.html to contact the person who posted this.
My kids aren’t having XMAS
Date: 2009-12-24, 6:27PM
I’m a single father of 2 kids (6 & 9). My ex-wife doesn’t care for us anymore because she has a new family.
At 33, I feel as though I am 60 or something. I just don’t have energy to do anything because I’m very depressed. Last night I took 3 vicodins and drank Goose. I passed out until 4 pm today. I awoke to my son shaking me and screaming at me to wake up. I feel ashamed of myself. I don’t know if they had breakfast or lunch even. I’m such a failure, I swear. I told them to leave me alone, and to go play on their Xbox.
I feel depressed today, so I plan on taking an Ambien and going back to sleep.
I hope my sons understand that their father is not in a good place right now, and needs “me” time to get better.
Thank you for listening.
Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/1524075390.html
That is amazing. And so sad.
Mom, at my dad’s funeral:
“It’s pretty good that he never married Loretta (his common-law wife), because that means I’ll get the Social Security checks.”
Said with no bitterness whatsoever – they’d been divorced for 25 years and were completely out of touch, so she didn’t know or care about Loretta. She actually figured that people would be cheered by this happy news about the SS checks. Loretta was also at the funeral.
A close second isn’t really a quote, but for Christmas one year not too long ago, she gave me Al-Anon pamphlets. Free pamphlets. As a gift. (I won’t get into the subtext about the problem being my response to her alcoholism, and not the, you know, like, alcoholism). My girlfriend was kind of horrified that I found this funny.
Your mother is a great specimen. And your girlfriend was wrong, though I understand her horror. But the al-anon pamphlet gift IS funny. Too bad they didn’t come with a card that said “Merry Christmas. I am going to assume that these make me look like someone who got you a gift!”
My ex-wife got very good at putting on a show for others. Staging arguments was her forte, but one of the best was her showing off the pile of presents to her friends she had gotten me for my birthday. She made sure we opened them after her friends had left and I found that a half full carton of oatmeal and whatever else she found in the pantry had been wrapped up for show because she thought “it would be fun for you to have something to open.”
There is no more festive and celebratory birthday gift than the gift of partially consumed oatmeal. Hard to believe this marriage didn’t work out!
A young male colleague was explaining why he wasn’t taken seriously at company meetings: “I’m too good looking. As soon as I walk in the door everyone stares at me and assumes I’m too good looking to be smart. The worst part is, I’m usually the smartest person in the room.”
Now isn’t THAT someone you’re just dying to work with?!
Where can I get a hold of this guys resume? I think I need to keep his name on file for any future job openings. Thank you for alerting me to such a superior talent.
I LOVE that remark. What a great one-two punch. Hilarious.
i am 61 my buffoon brother will be 65 or 66 in June. This happened about 15 yrs. ago. He said to one of his “rounder salesman acquaintenace” You’re lucky to know us. Us being me also. This guy is such a buffoon. on another page i mentioned how stupid N’s must think we humans are. i just watched oprah Feb. 1st. 2010 about appreciative bosses. i worked for or with my brother and to repay my genorosity (working for free) he wrote deals and didn’t pay me, wouldn’t allow me to go on sales calls and the list goes on. It is true that the more you do for an N the more they despise you. I am convinced that they are not from our planet. i am the guy that my brother tried to kill 4 times. i don’t really mind somebody trying to kill me but do it like a man. My brothers’ attempts were: at 3 yrs. old left me at the only deep end of a swimming area. encouraged me to touch a electric wire running from the barn to the chicken coop. Fired an arrow at me when i wasn’t looking at my back of course I just happened to turn around and ducked, I think he said oops, and the last attempt was by his goon N which really gives you an insight to how they can drive you to suicide. This stuff on the internet is not enough. That their are buffoons like this walking around on our planet imposing their wishes on us is wrong for 2 reasons. There are not many of them compared to us and allowing these buffoons to get away with what they feel is accecptable behavior has to stop. i think the minor N’s are just as bad as the major N’s.(Malignant) the little n’s pave the way for the big N’s to get away with their atrocities
We’re in California visiting my mother in law for Thanksgiving. The night before she explains that she’s doing the right things to help her gambling addiction… we feel a little hopeful. Our flight was the next day and we were thinking that this trip was finally somewhat okay. Our flight is crazy early the next morning… she storms in and wakes us up 10 minutes early–odd. Then at 3:15 am in the morning she asks for money from my husband! Mind you we HAVE to leave at 3:30 am in order to get to the airport in time. When we tell her how inconsiderate it was to ask at such an awkward time when we had been with her for 3 days, she goes silent and pouts. Then proceeds to tell us both that it’s our fault we didn’t catch her “cues” that she needed money. WHAT?! She just told us the night before that she was getting better! Now she won’t speak to us until she’s “over being hurt by us.” She’s NPD plus has a spending/gambling addiction. My mother is NPD too… my husband and I are both in therapy. But, we can’t help but laugh at some of our mother’s behavior. It helps us survive as we get through recovery!
I dont know what is wrong with you and your husband that you tried to torture this lovely woman by completely ignoring all of her obvious “cues.”
But seriously, the good news is that you guys are both in therapy. It will be your only way to exit all the future indecipherable mazes she designs. And there will be more. So good luck to you both.
I just read a great quote from a review on Amazon about a person who goes way beyond narcissism.
This book and author
Evil Genes: Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriend (Paperback)
~ Barbara Oakley (Author)
I Googled into this site only because I had a similar idea–to start a blog or maybe write a book on bizarre quotes from Narcissists and wanted to see if it had already been done—and it has!
So, here’s my addition to your list:
A former (heavy emphasis on ‘former’) married male N friend of mine once said to me, “I don’t want to have anything to do with your life, I just want to have sex with you.”
While my mouth was hanging open in shock, he went on to elaborate on how this personal realization showed how mature he had become in his relationships. He seemed so proud of himself.
Ya ok, buddy. And women are just clamoring to jump into bed with you. What a joke. I’ve had no contact with him for 6 months now and feel very free.
Anyway, love your blogs!
To Canadian: This sounds suspiciously like the Narcissist I describe in comment 65…yours isn’t from New Jersey is he?! If not, perhaps a relative, or someone from the same frat house.
To Laura…no not the same guy. This person I knew was not good looking and not that bright either. He would be considered a low-functioning somatic narcissist I would think. There are so many different types out there!
I had a very close friend named Earl in college who was the nephew of my neighbor Quida. I would talk to him on the phone from time to time but we now lived in different states and I hadn’t heard from him in a while.
My mother called me one day. It was one of those calls she made every month or so because someone told her mother’s were supposed to call their children. She rattled on about her bridge club and what we were going to do for Thanksgiving. As she was about to hang up she said,
“Oh, Quida told me to tell you that silly Earl killed himself.”
My then married brother had an extramarital affair with a married woman for around 10 years. Both marriages finally failed and after a time, they got married. At first, I thought we were going to be friends, but as time has gone by, I have found her to be extremely competitive and jealous. An example: I brought a dip to a family gathering and my brother made a fuss about how great it was, and the next thing I know, she is scolding me about how I don’t need to bring food to everything. About six months into knowing her, she began shooting passive-aggressive arrows at me just about every time I encountered her. My brother invited me to go with them and my nephews and their wives to their lake cabin for the fourth of July weekend. Initially, my brother and I were to ride together and she was to come later with some of the kids. My brother called and asked me to run some errands him that morning, which I was happy to do. Suddnely, everything changed, and she was riding with us. It was as though she was jealous that he had asked me to do the errands, and couldn’t stand for him and me to have any time together. Once we got to the lake, she embarked on a campaign of getting up and moving away from me any time I sat next to her in the boat, on the beach, and even once at the kitchen table, going so far as to pick up her plate, silverware, and drink to move to the other side of the table. After about the fifth time, I knew it was intentional. It was a miserably long weekend. As her children and my brother’s children have begun having children, she has become very obsessive about, possessive of, and territorial about of “her” grandchildren and has begun excluding me, my sister, my dad, and my step-mom from gatherings where the babies will be. Recently, my nephew, one of my brother’s sons, was in the hospital emergency room, so we all converged on the hospital in the ER waiting room. My other nephew’s wife was there with their new baby, and my brother’s wife was holding him and bouncing him very vigorously in an attempt to get him to go to sleep, even though he did not seem sleepy. Finally, he went to sleep and all the other visitors had headed to my nephew’s room to visit him. As she and I were walking down the hallway toward his room, she looked at me and said, ‘I got K—– to go to sleep. That way, no one can take him away from me. I’m smart that way.”
deedee, well told. wow. if your brother hadnt been married, think she would have noticed him?
Wow. She sounds absolutely frightening. I would stay away from her.
Yes, I will be staying away from her, but unfortunately, it is because this situation has escalated and alienated me and my brother, which I think was her plan. She has thrown elaborate birthday parties for all her relatives and I have gone to every one and taken a gift, but when my b-day rolled around, nothing, not even a call (and it is on a holiday, so it is easy to remember). Late this year, when several of my family members’ b-days rolled around, suddenly, there was an e-mail from her saying they wouldn’t be doing b-days for the rest of the year, but would re-group after the first of the year (when all her family members’ b-day occur). My dad’s 79th b-day is Monday, and because they did not do anything for him the last two years, my step mother and I organized a party for him and also for my nephew, whose b-day was last month. We did not invite the sister-in-law’s two sons who live in the state because my step-mom was paying for the meals and wanted to keep the count down and also because I barely know them and they are not close to my dad, and also, as I mentioned in my earlier post, they often have parties where the kids and babies are invited, but we are not, so I didn’t see this as being any different. Also, when you invite her sons, you can’t tell for sure how many people will be coming, as there is a girlfriend who could potentially come along, etc. We only invited my dad’s and step-mom’s immediate children, granchildren and great grandchildren (and spouses), a predictable and controllable number. The invite went out per an online invitation service and invitees could see the guest list (hindsight is 20-20). When she saw that her sons were not invited., she e-mailed and asked me if I wanted her to invite them. At first, I was so taken aback that she would challenge our guest list that I didn’t answer, but talked to my step mother again, and she still did not want to invite them, so I finally responded by telling her that on this particular event, we had made the decision to keep it at immediate children, etc A couple of hours later, I received an e-mail addressed to my step mom and me from my brother saying that he no longer wants to associate with us, as we had “drawn a line in the sand” and “deeply hurt” his wife and created a “family chasm”. It was obvious she had plead her case to him and he had taken up her cause. He also said that he would be printing off a copy of my answer to his wife and giving it to my dad when he dropped off his gift and explained why he wasn’t coming to the party. My “gut” on this is that it had nothing to do with her sons not being invited, and everything to do with someone else taking control of a party and being successful at it, but the fact that her sons were not invited gave her an avenue through which to manipulate and destroy. Because of the damper this put on the party, we made the decision to cancel it. I have since received very critical comments from both my nephews, who clearly had heard the “whole story” and had been incited prior to talking to me, and am now officially the “wicked witch” of the family. My dad, however, is not upset with me and says that we had the right to invite who we wanted to and that they should not have “taken on” our guest list. While I think we had the right to invite who we wanted, our decision proved to probably not be very wise, as a feud. has erupted My personal opinion is that they should have respected the guest list and either just accepted or declined our invite. .I am left feeling very, very bad, because now, the situation is that my dad and his wife will be going to dinner alone, when all he really wanted was the people he loves around him.
take your dad out and celebrate whenever you can.
AN ISRAELI NARCISSIST TAKES THE LEAD!
Here’s a set of examples from an article in the N.Y. Times that are hard to beat:
“Police on Monday seized a book of rules written by a Tel Aviv man for his 17 ‘wives,’ hours after he was arrested on charges including enslavement and rape.Goel Ratzon, 60, allegedly subjected his family of 17 women and 38 children to strict disciplinary measures – but has claimed they lived with him of their own accord.
The code of conduct sets out fines to be levied for each infringement. Regulations include:
1. No women shall marry nor shall any woman attack another, either verbally or physically. Fine: 2,000, to be paid into the family kitty.
2. No woman shall question another about her whereabouts. Fine: 100
3. No conversation is permitted in rooms other than the living room. It is forbidden to talk nonsense. Fine: 200
4. No woman shall sit idle when there are dishes to be washed, cleaning to be done, children to look after etc. Fine: 2000
5. Any two women caught fighting will be punished equally. Fine: 2,000
6. It is absolutely forbidden to question Ratzon on his whereabouts or intention. Fine: 400
7. It is permissible to ask to accompany him; but refusal is to be accepted without appeal. Fine: 300
8. No woman shall interrupt Ratzon or intervene in matters not concerning her. Fine: 500
9. All orders are to be obeyed immediately. Fine: 300
My friend told this story about a couple he’s known who were having a big fight.
Guy : I can no longer stand you and your ego. Just so you know, your ego is as big as the universe!
Woman : Are you kidding me?! My ego is the universe!
Here’s one from my roomie for five years when she used to ramble when she’s extremely exhausted from work : “I need to temper my megalomania. I’m starting to override my Ops manager and I’m starting to think that nobody else has brains outside my direct reports. I need somebody to knock me off my pedestal. I think I’m starting to unravel and the world will not revolve if I’m not the one doing the spinning. I just found out that a friend is HIV positive and I kinda wished I’m infected as well so I have something else to think about other than what’s going on in my head.”
Well, i have to give her credit where credit is due: thats a very creative upbeat way to look at having a fatal illness.
ive had a hard month. wondering how common my problem is, i googled both
“my mom” and “my mother” with
“broke up with me”
not much there, but check out the transcript of the taped conversation at http://www.mombu.com/medicine/psychology/t-sanity-or-family-2390531.html
I hope this is of interest. Also, if you learn much about “borderline personality disorder” you’ll see that a lot of moms have no good intentions toward daughters.
You all have my fond good wishes. Thank you so much Merrill for this forum.
I’ll give you good quotes when i’m a bit more healed.
xxx Jay
Jay:
Having your mother break up with you must be very upsetting. But it certainly is a great topic for a funny essay. I have read quite a bit about borderlines and borderline mothers . I recommend the book Borderline Mothers (http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765702886) which breaks them down in to certain types. Despite the fact that at least three different chapters seemed to be a portrait of my mother, I still found the book really informative.
Merrill: Understandable your mom would fit into different types. My reading on the topic suggests that the volatility continually makes em vacillate between goddess, cold bitch and witch.
here’s an online quickie from: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/455531/the_hysterical_mother_when_borderline.html?cat=72
The most common personality disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. Some Borderlines are called narcissists. Some are called addicts. Most are called “that crazy bitch.” All of them may be true at times, but mostly, Borderlines are just lonely, detached, hurt, and confused.
BPD originally got its name from its wide range of symptoms – it seemed to border on many different illnesses. Sometimes a Borderline will act like she has multiple personalities. He will be warm and loving one minute, then hateful and cold the next. She will have episodes where she appears to feel no emotion at all, like a psychopath, and may engage in self-destructive behaviors to try and bring herself back to reality, like a depressive. Also like a depressive, he might threaten or attempt suicide more than once. Like a schizophrenic, she may become paranoid. Like a narcissist, he seems to focus on his own feelings at the exclusion of everyone else’s.
All of this stems from a common source: an unstable image of self and others. Real connections are difficult or impossible to make. Peoples’ emotions, especially their own, are a mystery to Borderlines.
It’s bad enough to suffer from these symptoms alone. How could a Borderline woman raise a child?
Unfortunately, they often do. Lacking the important connection they should have made to their mothers when they were infants, they seek to repair that connection somehow by having children of their own. But they never learned how to make that connection. Somehow, whether physically or emotionally, they will make themselves unavailable to their children. Thus, the cycle continues.
“What is wrong with you?”
“It’s for your own good.”
“I keep telling you what to do and you can’t follow simple instructions.”
“Why can’t you be like ME?”
“Look at this stupid, stupid, stupid computer.”
“Keep your mouth shut!”
A narcissist will persecute their own innocent children in front of the stranger that just lied to the narcissist without allowing their children to speak their side of the story.
“I don’t care about your feelings!”
“Do as you are told.”
Maybe it’s wrong, but I just joined a facebook group in order to make a comment undermining it.
The group has a long name. It’s called, no kidding:
“Mom, make me some food?” “Get it yourself.” “Nevermind, I’m not hungry.”
Is that funny? Many think so: theyre working up to 2 million members.
Having a mean selfish mom takes something out of the old funnybone.
Or maybe something about this group sucks.
I posted this:
it’s possible to be mean and selfish without even meaning to. Which is a shame.
There IS such a thing as emotional hunger. What are you waiting for,does the kid have to call your secretary to set an appointment for a heart to heart talk?? FEED THE KID! Or say, “cmon let’s make something _together_.” Or, “honey, I’d love to but I just cant right now. Could you be a hero and make snacks for us and your brother?” Or “Is there something you might be able to fix we could enjoy with the dog?” and/or:” Do you have the pizza number?”
Get it? If not, research it. Or stop calling yourself Mom
[On the other hand,my fellow Merrill Markoe Maniacs, the object of Buddhism has been said to be weaning yourself. 😀 Wise words. I say we mother each a bit, too. Like Merrill is helping us do by having this forum xxx Jay]
The last time I had dinner with my mother, we were at the prophetically named “The Black Cow,” my favorite little restaurant in Montrose. Mid-bite, sitting across from me, she matter-of-factly saw fit to share (sans prompting): “If I could do it all over again, I never would’ve had children. What a waste of 20 years of my life.”
My thought: “Check, please.” That was 10 years ago. Haven’t seen her since.
My older brother has NPD. One of his younger stupider friends also has NPD. They conspired to kill me by suicide but i knew about NPD. i also know a stupid n in the town i live in. i have a ton of stories but you may like this one. The n lets his dog out and some lady brings it back to his house. The n says she chastised him for it but for sure he misinterrepted whatever she said as critisism. he has a border named Al who was sleeping in the basement. Al gets up and the n blames al. Al says “whose dog is it?” Al says Who let the dog out?” Al says “who is responsible for the dog?” the N’s reply was ” you let him out yesterday”. My brother’s first wife was jumping someone else. This is back in the 70’s. he says to me that there should be a law against somebody screwing another’s man’s wife. This simply means that their should be a law against somebody screwing ‘his’ wife. My brother is a buffoon and has attempted to kill me at least 4 x’s. i am at the point in my life that all you can do is laugh at these idiots and how incredibly stupid N’s think the rest of the world is, yet have massive feelings of inferiority. They actually think that they are God’s (can you imagine) and all we are are objects. this worm where i live in Ontario is a real piece of work. i am not kidding when i say that he actually pouts like a little kid when he doesn’t get his own way. When he does this i just want to punch him but if i do i will never stop. i got this one back but he is real stupid. the other goon is normal stupid and i can get him to. the real challenge is my brother. Everybody loves him but i am slowly exposing him by faxes to his office. i am probably responsible for his heart attack. He is a jealous, envious, coward,liar thief cheat braggart, slander, bully, and every other despicable trait humans hate. he has them all and plays his nice card beautifully. This is a big hammer for N’s especially NPD.
Good lord, Murray. Stay away from that brother. And with the money you save on gas (to say nothing of sedatives, aspirins and alcohol to recover from the time you spent with him,) invest in a therapist. You’ll never regret it.
this one is a classic. We were arguing on the phone. This was before i knew he was a narcissist but after i really found out what he was like and discovered what a coward N’s are. He is talking about something that happened when we were teenagers. He is talking about the past. I respond by talking about this topic in the past. “are you sitting down?” His reply was “sure bring up the past”. ha ha ha ha ha ha/ These N’s are true Buffoons. It is amazing and no wonder that they think they are so much smarter than us. I often wonder how stupid they think we are.
I dated a man a couple of years ago who snored so loudly that I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with him, even if I wore earplugs. He broke up with me by sending me an email that included a list of many of my many faults, and of course one of them was that the snoring kept me from sleeping in the bed with him. Last year I heard that he got married.
He also accused me of wearing a T-shirt of his one night at his house without asking him. The first night I stayed there I asked him if I could wear one of his T-shirts (he had several drawers full) and he said I could keep it, but when I wore it several weeks later he had forgotten that he gave it to me. After that night I washed it and left it at his front door.
Another of my many faults was that he found me too negative, whereas he was an optimist, even though the topics of conversation he brought up, like dredging up past memories, were depressing to me and I tried to change the subject to more pleasant things. And since he had also experienced depression in the past I expected him to have some empathy when it came to emotional issues, but it seemed to elude him.
Apart from being a narcissist, he was also a recovering alcoholic and strip club addict who had substituted food for those addictions.
Well, those are some classics. Damn. He’s married. A usual, all the good ones are taken!
When in his presence I felt like I was a small satellite in orbit around a large planet.
This one’s simply “touching”: Barb(separated for over 7 years, divorced for 1.4 years) lives with her 21-year-old daughter Sammy, a college student, whom Barb has brainwashed into hating her father, Bob. Barb’s mother (Sammy’s grandmother) has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and Barb sobs desperately to 21-year-old Sammy, “I feel so alone. I was there for Bob when his father died. It’s just not fair that I have to go through this all alone, by myself. I wish it was me that had the cancer.”
And Sammy didn’t go “Ahem. Mom. At the risk of seeming petty during a difficult time….You’re not entirely alone. I’m under the impression that I’m sitting right here.”
Unfortunately no. Later, Sammy sighed to a friend, “It’s so sad seeing mom cry & having to deal with this all alone. I feel so bad for her. I *HATE* Bob for doing this to us.”
I have a hunch though, that Sammy will one day wake up, realize the truth, and then have to deal with that…all alone.
Said by my husband’s ex-wife to their 15 year old son, in desperation at his decision to stay with my husband and I for a few extra days ‘without her permission’:
“The longer you stay there, the more you will be punished when you get home.”
When this didn’t work she tried
“I don’t want you to come home because I’m forcing you, I want you to come home because you want to – and if that means being punished somehow then so be it.”
When he still refused to return she criticised my husband for not supporting her, telling him that it’s her right as a parent to discipline their child for his ‘bad behaviour’, (seeing his Dad) and that he wasn’t helping the situation!!
Take note – the previous month she had sent him to stay with us for his usual weekend but secretly went on holiday abroad without telling us and without making any contact with any of us until her return 2 weeks later. Even then all she did was order their son’s immediate return.
Wow, that sounds like the worst combination of narcissistic, delusional and sadistic. Lately I have been thinking of little kids being raised in bad households as hostages. This certainly has that ring to it. That poor kid.
She is all of those things, yet we didn’t even realise she had npd until a year ago. Her behaviour has always made so little sense that until then we just had her down as thick (amongst other titles). Their poor child is still suffering now. Even though he was beginning to understand that she has a mental illness, she has now managed to convince him that we are only using him for financial gain (because we wouldn’t pay her child support when she went on holiday and left him behind) and has persuaded him to cut down the time that he spends here ‘to protect him from us’.
My dad had recently told my mom he wanted a divorce. She was devastated and could hardly eat or do anything. She was so depressed. When Mother’s Day came, he brought her nothing. She cried and asked why he didn’t get her a card or flowers. “You’re not my mother,” he said.
Well, time to start figuring out just the right thing to get him for Father’s Day.
Hold on a sec… Sounds like Jill’s mom might be manipulating Jill. Jill’s mom is *not* Jill’s dad’s mother. (Granted, his estranged wife *is* the mother of his daughter, but rarely do estranged or divorced people exchange Mother’s Day/Father’s Day cards & gifts.) Jill would be the one to celebrate Mother’s Day with her mom. Jill’s mom’s reaction to the divorce—”devastated, could hardly eat or do anything, depressed”—are not behaviors that Jill’s mom should be acting out in front of her daughter. If the mom’s mood disorder is that severe, she should see a therapist instead of dumping it all on her daughter. Parental Alienation is the weapon of choice for narcissists in high conflict divorces. Could be that Jill’s dad dumped a narcissist. I wouldn’t be to fast to jump to conclusions on who the real narcissist is in this situation. Jill deserves to keep her relationship with both parents. Jill’s father is not divorcing Jill, & her mother should want to support & nurture the relationship between father & daughter.
My former husband and I lived in married student housing and were full-time students in our mid to late twenties with a toddler son when this interchange occurred…
Him: “I think I’m going to take off my wedding ring because people (ie: young, female co-eds) treat me differently when they find out I’m married.
Me (after much thought and NOT blowing an emotional gasket): “You know, people treat ME differently when they find out I’M married, too. I think I’ll take mine off too.”
Him: “Oh, alright, I’ll wear it !!! “
Hilarious. But hard to believe a marriage like this didn’t stand the test of time!
Yep, the same guy who came home from a business trip and wanted me to watch the video he had made of him oil wrestling with near naked women…all at the company’s expense, of course!
I’m thrilled to have come across your website! I have a million of the “darndest” things he said or did over the years. More to come!
The ones that jump to mind immediately are:
1) One xmas eve my mother visited my cousin to deliver some presents. She couldn’t find a parking space, so she just left the car in the middle of the (one lane) road. No other cars could get past because she’d completely blocked the road with her car. After about an hour, the police knocked on the door, justifiably annoyed because they’d had to knock on doors up and down the road to find out whose car it was. The police officer who spoke to my mother said to her “How could you do such a thing? What if an ambulance had needed to get past? You could have killed someone!”. My mother’s response was to scream furiously “How dare the police talk to me? I’m not a criminal, I’m a RESPECTABLE MARRIED WOMAN!”.
2) She once said to me that, when my dad died (which was when I was little), she suddenly realised she had to make sure that my sister and I were safe. Up til that point, she said it wouldn’t have mattered if one of us children had died, because she could just have had another baby as a replacement. With no husband any more, this wasn’t an option, so, you see, she no choice but to get married again as quickly as possible.
3) One perfectly normal afternoon, with everyone messing about in the kitchen making cups of tea and chatting, she reached forward and gently tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear (I should have known by this utterly out-of-character act that something really vicious was coming). Then she looked into my eyes and said, in the sweetest and most loving voice, “You’ll die of cancer”. My jaw dropped and I just froze in place. I couldn’t move. She immediately got really annoyed and said “WHAT?? People like you ALWAYS die of cancer”. And then refused to elaborate. To this day, I have no idea what that was all about.
Wow. Those are three absolute stunners. Off hand, I would say there’s something else gone wrong here besides just simple narcissism. I’m glad you made it safely out of childhood and are alive and sane enough to be examining what happened. Because YIKES.
My father missed his plane to my grandmothers funeral. He called to say he wouldn’t be in on the 7 PM flight, he would arrive at 8:45 on the next one. When asked what happened, his response was “They seem to think I was late.”
Good Lord, I love that. These airlines with their so-called “times of departure”.
My grandmother was a musician in the 1920s-1950s. She loved Big Band and Jazz style music, and family-friendly Hollywood musicals like the Astaire-Rogers flicks and Singin’ in the Rain. When she was dying and bedridden, I brought her four rented Hollywood musicals and sat with her for two days as we watched them together. It was a very special time to share with her. So where’s the narcissism come in? When my mother and aunt found out, they gave me dirty looks and said, “Why would anyone want to do that? How did you ever think of something like that?” Gee, I dunno, maybe to make her happy…
Last words from a college chum I finally gave up on after an incident where he threatened to send an email to my boss telling him what a rotten human being I was, because he was upset that I’d asked him not to contact me at work any more.
Him: “So, now that you’ve calmed down from last time, do you want to have lunch or something?”
Me: “No, I’d prefer no contact with you at all.”
Him: “Fine. Have it YOUR way. You always do!”
This one was amazing. I was at a parent meeting at my child’s school. After the presentation was over the parents were discussing how little some of their children seem to share about their day at school. I shared that an early bedtime, and spending time with child in the quiet before she went to sleep, made it easy to gather the information of what was going on in her life.
OTHER DAD (interrupting loudly): Well, you’re not the KGB!
ME: No, but I’m interested to know what is going on in my daughter’s life. I care about her and want to know how she doing and what she is feeling. If she is…
OTHER DAD (interupting with the usual tone of disdain): Why would anyone want to know THAT?!
That’s pretty mind boggling. But what a portrait it also is of that other Dad’s own childhood!
When I graduated from high school, my aunts and uncles were kind enough to send me gifts. Of course, Thank You notes were in order, but my mother insisted on composing them herself, and then I was to re-do them in my handwriting.
My mother had no skill at all in this area, so I gave myself the poetic license to rework the notes so they would sound like a human being wrote them and not a machine.
Upon final inspection, she became enraged, tore the notes up, and snarled, “Why do you have to have a personality?”
My mother shouldn’t have had children, she should’ve just had a garden.
That is hilarious. I don’t know which line I like more…the one about the garden or the crazy one that came out of your mother.
This was from a person I should certainly NOT have dated for four years, but did. After it ended, I went through some health problems. There was one incident that was rather scary. I barely lived.
After I came home, I wrote to her describing what happened. She’d just moved to Boston to take a plum job working with an internationally famous poet. But she hadn’t found an apartment yet.
I made the mistake of asking why she hadn’t at least tried to call me. Her reply? “Maybe because I’m having to sleep on people’s floors right now, okay!? You just never think what other people might be going through, do you, Jeff?”
My father-in-law was describing his experience in the Korean War, “Of course, but that time I was a legend.”
Sorry, “Of course, by that time I was a legend.”
Another father in law story. When my husband and his sibs were small they lived in a series of foster homes in the Boston area. My father-in-law was living in NYC at the time dating a wealthy woman. He got a call from Boston saying that my brother-in-law (who was 4 years old at the time) had been badly burned. My father-in-law never let his son forget that if it hadn’t had to go back to Boston, he would have married the wealthy woman.
The Narcissist Mother says to her adult daughter (who, for 24 years after leaving “home” at age 16, lived within 15 minutes of her Narzi Mom & frequently saw her), “The main problem is [that] with you leaving home at 16, you don’t know me & I don’t know you and that is very sad.”
Oh, yeah…just how long does it take for a mother to know her daughter?
The daughter’s real crime was moving 1,000 miles away from the narcissist mom, being independent, speaking her mind, & not putting up with her mother’s BS.
Actual, honest-to-god true quote from Narcissist Mom’s email to her adult daughter: “The Best of times for me in recent years was when we bought the wide screen TV and your Dad knew he was dying.”
Same woman, 15 years earlier, became engaged in a heated argument with her adult daughter. The daughter was begging her mother to get her father into treatment for alcoholism since the father was drinking about 2 gallons of Scotch a week (no exaggeration) while downing Halcyon for insomnia. The daughter, frustrated beyond belief at her mother’s protestations finally screamed at her, “Mom! You’re killing him!” Narzi Mother screamed back, “It’s the only way I can live with him!”
The father died 2 years ago of esophageal cancer caused by acid reflux combined with excessive alcohol consumption.
A wild boar roamed into the garden of a narcissist I know. Admittedly it’s a pretty well kept garden with a pool. The boar wandered about a bit them ran off – as they do, They’re will animals for God sake. Reponse from the narcissist “Oh! our garden must be far too sophisticated for it and it felt out of place that’s why is ran off”. Hmmmm, you just have to question what’s going on up top with the narc to rationalise a situation like this in such a manner. I tell you, it was a real conversation killer – how do you respond to that!
Quote from when I told my mom I was pregnant:
Me: Mom, guess what… I’m pregnant!
Mom: Oh, I’m gonna be a grandma. Did I tell you that I lost my part time job?