I finally figured out why everyone is so goofy at my gym.

Posted in blog post on December 8th, 2009 by Merrill Markoe
Tags: , , , ,

fact reduction2
The place was never an institution of higher learning or anything but lately they started posting signs indicating they are selling additional services. Tonight I bothered to read the signs more closely. I don’t know what Hydrolipo Sculpting, Carboxy Therapy or Lymph Drainage are… But Mesotherapy for FACT REDUCTION? Sorry. I don’t want to seem judgmental.But judging from the looks of things around there, I doubt that its a good idea.fact reduction c.u.

14 Responses to “I finally figured out why everyone is so goofy at my gym.”

  1. Mesotherapy for Fact Reduction is what the stories at Fox News are subjected to before they go on the air.

  2. Susan says:

    Or fact “mitigation” Re: Tiger Woods on Letterman….with Tom Hanks attempting to laugh at Top 10 on how Tiger could improve his image — #1 = Blame Letterman.

  3. SusanM says:

    I remember several years ago “you guys on the west coast” were into “high colonics”, or colon cleansing, or whatever.
    Then people would actually post pictures of the results. I’m still trying to get an image out of my mind.
    Is that still a popular diversion before someone gets a pedicure? (or massage, dental appt., oil change?)

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Now we are getting our whole skeletal systems sanded, buffed and painted to match our toe nails. Its a lot of work but it looks so cute if you happen to get a third degree fracture at Aspen.

  4. Cathy says:

    Spa terminology is normally so nice and peaceful. Why ramp it up with words like “schlero” and “drainage”? And those shadowy nostrils in the background only make me wonder what they’re schlero-ing and draining. I guess I’m a simpleton because they’ve got me at “massage.”

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      You’re right. Drainage is not what I want to think about during a work out. Especially at this gym where I am still recovering from all the bowls of candy they put out during Halloween. Now when I walk in the front door, the first thought still in my mind is “Where are the tiny packs of red twizzlers?”

      • Cathy says:

        I’m not sure what’s worse — Twizzlers at a gym or the variety of dusty tasting cardboard-ish power bars. The upside where you work out is that if you do overindulge in holiday candy (coming soon — milk chocolate Santas) there’s always “Carboxy Therapy for Cellulite,” whatever that is.

    • SusanM says:

      “drainage” is always the one that gets me. It better change my entire appearance for the better (or my health), otherwise I don’t want to hear it..

  5. Lairbo says:

    “Vichy Services”? What are those, exactly? And are they provided by gym employees following the orders of their malevolent puppetmasters in Berlin?

  6. Larisa Sparrowhawk says:

    I suspect you are plagued with the same disorder I often struggle with, myself: typing words that sound similar but have different meanings. Of course Spell-check won’t find an actual word spelled correctly.

    “The place was never an institution of hiring learning.”

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Wow. Thanks. That one got right by me. I don’t use spell check because I have an overactive spell checker in my head from growing up with my mother, who used to walk around supermarkets with a sharpie and correct spelling errors on signs. But”hiring” would have gotten by spell check anyway because its a correctly spelled word. I don’t know what I was thinking. I often write these at night before bed, trying to wind down from working my book . I probably had some sake before I wrote that entry. I corrected it, as you can see.

      • SusanM says:

        OK ! I definitely missed something. What is “Vichy” supposed to be in gym terminology?
        I miss a lot of New Age words and even urban dictionaries don’t help. Do the services cause
        pain or euphoria? Or- is it a term for dandruff scraping?