New category: Pretty but horrible

Posted in blog post on December 13th, 2009 by Merrill Markoe
Tags: , , , , , ,

My first two nominees:

1. Sarah Palinsarah palin. No explanation needed. She defines the category.

2. Rainbow Twizzlers

rainbow twizzlers

I bought a pack of these yesterday because I love Twizzlers. And I love rainbows. But, as they say here on the internet: Fail. Whatever flavor that is in the regular ones (a flavor I like to think of as RED) is the only acceptable Twizzler . The purple is especially wrong. And I refuse to dignify the green or yellow with a discussion. While I was taste testing the other colors, I thought to myself “Pretty. But horrible.” Then I thought of Sarah Palin. Now I will build the rest of the category as the content occurs to me.

289704683_3dd8ca6d653. Air pollution at sunset

petit fours

4. Weird little inedible widely hated cake petit fours.(Thank you Ellen.)

5. Graphics for Grand Theft AutoGraphics for Grand Theft Auto

6. The always grotesque Speidi (Thank you Barb and Laurie)

Contributing Photographer

sno balls7. Hostess Sno Balls. Thank you Laurie. Again. This is a perfect one. As a kid I wanted so badly to love these because they were so beautiful and so theoretically delicious. Then you take a big bite of that rubbery spongy coating and…well, you never fully recover. Its not just awful, it represents the death of hope. It SHOULD have been a dream come true

8. Copper mining damage.copper mine pollution

9.. Elizabeth Hasselbeckelizabeth hasselbeck

10. Staph bacteriastaph bacteria

11.Boots with 5 inch heels. I can’t last more than a short period of time in 3 inch heels. 31/2 are out of the question. Once, for a TV appearance, I bought a pair of Manolo Blahniks. They were very pretty. I made it from the backstage area to the guest seat. Period. But I had to find a chair during the wait for a table at the restaurant afterward. Even a few minutes of standing in them was unbearable. They were so painful and so expensive that I took them to a shoe repair and had  the heel shortened, understanding completely what kind of a sacrilege that is…and of course it wrecked the careful architecture of the shoes,so I’ve never warn them since.  But I couldn’t wear them before either.

Now all the shoes I like have 4 and 5 inch heels. I love how they look but…they certainly fit my qualifications for this list.  Pretty but horrible.5 inch heel

4 inch

12. Sheet cake. Always pretty. Always horrible.sheet cake Thank you Elayne.

13. Mel Gibsonmel-gibson-smile


30 Responses to “New category: Pretty but horrible”

  1. Barb says:

    3. Jennifer “Jen” Aniston. Tired of hearing about her heart being stomped on (welcome to humanity’s nightmare girl). Tired of seeing her going to Pap hotspots and glaring into the cameras with disdain.
    4. Speidi.

  2. SusanM says:

    I agree with both nominees. I’ve only had red, and Sarah, well what can I say.
    I was going to nominate Cheney but he’s not any prettier than I am. I still want to see a Cheney/Palin lovechild would be like.

  3. Barb says:

    OH OH OH! JERMAINE JACKSON! Can he be number 1? Please?!??!

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Is he pretty? I’ll have to go look. Michael would have been number two easy before the last nose improvement.

  4. Susan says:

    Narcissus ??? — or is that matter closed? Could be relevant if you go to ( — I just came across something potentially interesting:

    In 20th century pop culture, Bob Dylan’s song “License to Kill” refers indirectly to Narcissus: “Now he worships at an altar of a stagnant pool /And when he sees his reflection, he’s fulfilled.”

    “Supper’s Ready” by Genesis (ca. 1972), a near-23-minute epic song laden with religious and mythological imagery, refers to the myth of Narcissus as follows: “A young figure sits still by a pool / He’s been stamped “Human Bacon” by some butchery tool / (He is you) / Social Security took care of this lad. / We watch in reverence, as Narcissus is turned to a flower. / A flower?” The movement is titled “How Dare I Be So Beautiful?”. Kind of wild the way Several of your themes intertwine!

  5. Laurie Sandell says:

    1. I second Speidi
    2. Olivia Palermo from The City
    3. Velvet ropes
    4. Red carpets
    5. Hostess Sno-Balls
    6. Botox
    7. Tiger Woods’s harem
    8. Elizabeth Hasselbeck
    9. Snails
    10. Fruit roll ups

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Great list. I’m adding some of these right now.

    • SusanM says:

      Hostess snoballs, yes, along with the cupcakes! Great choice!
      Were they already in the house, or did you tear out and get them?
      —and you took a bite out of them? You do have an instinct for images.
      I’m still tryng to think of a nomination.

  6. I nominate those petit four rainbow cookies. So pretty and yet … inedible. They’re almost like a practical joke. Even kids hate them, and kids don’t hate anything that dense in sugar.

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Excellent! I’m putting that one right on to the list! You’re right. They are horrible.And very pretty!

  7. Cathy says:

    Wedding cake. I’ve never tasted a good one in my life.

  8. Margaret says:

    Barbra Streisand’s voice.

  9. Mary V says:

    ** Ann Coulter

    and my favorite:

    ** Patty McCormack in “The Bad Seed”

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      You know, Ann Coulter is a perfect nominee but I hate her so much I am not sure I can even offer her the honor of calling her pretty.

      • Mary V says:

        I know I know, I thought exact same when I typed her name… Hey, I’m going to post a fun narcissist perfecto ejemplo on the other thread – bet it will make you laugh – just to make up for Ann here

      • Ann Coulter is about as pretty as a blizzard in Georgia.

  10. joe says:

    Nancy Grace? what a truly awful person….

    • Merrill Markoe says:

      Maybe I will split one position between Ms. Grace and Ms. Coulter. They are both so hateful its hard to actually reward them with “pretty”. Tho that is the case with Palin too. But somehow these two are a notch worse.

      • Birthday sheet cake. Any mixed drink made with Kahlua. Creme de Menthe. Rum truffles. Everyone on ET. Pashminas (how do you keep them on?) Victoria’s Secret underwear. Getting your house painted. That new Trident three layers gum. Cigarette holders. France.

      • andrea says:

        OH!! FRANCE. That’s genius, Elayne.

  11. Susan says:

    What about Terri Schuester, the now estranged wife of beloved Will Schuester in Glee ( ???? Yes, she’s fictional, but she seems to be pretty and horrible, despicable, and saccharinely sweet.

  12. Susan says:

    Oh, one more thought!!!! Opi Brights! nail polish — with colors like:

    That’s Berry Daring
    Pink Before You Leap
    Gargantuan Green Grape
    Charged Up Cherry
    Flashbulb Fuchsia
    Blue My Mind
    Green-wich Village

  13. SusanM says:

    I know this will upset some of you, but how about Mel Gibson?
    I used to really like him, but all of those anti semitic rants, religious statements, and his father’s comments about the Holocaust being a hoax killed me.

  14. Barb says:

    I think Mel Gibson is a perfect pretty but horrible choice, SusanM, and I second it.

    I’m resubmitting Jermaine Jackson for consideration, this time with a quotation from the candidate himself, for those of you who are smarter than me and turn the channel whenever he appears.
    Jermaine (near tears): “Do you know what it is to be alone? Just to be alone? I’m out in the streets and kids are saying, ‘We don’t want your autograph’ !” Isn’t this horrible? I mean, I’d go so far as to call it repulsive. Anyway, for your consideration.

  15. JonathonsMom says:

    1. The Kardashian’s

    2. Veneers

    • JonathonsMom says:

      3. Weddings

      *favorite saying (since becoming a divorcee)
      ‘Why do I have to get Married? I didn’t do anything wrong.’

  16. becky says:

    1. Gretchen Carlson/Fox & Friends. Jon Stewart did a bit exposing how she went to Standford et. al. and yet plays the role of the dumb bimbo so the Fox fans will tune in.

    2. Laura Ingram – I think of her as Ann Coulter-lite.

    3. A blizzard in NYC when you’re trying to get to San Diego. The snow is drop dead gorgeous but seeing it on the planes in Newark sucks.

    4. John Mayer because I am tired of hearing what a cad he is

    5. George Clooney and any other Hollywood A list actor who has a penchant for escorting women who look gorgeous but appear devoid of a personality.

    6. Paris Hilton (though she’s so spoiled I don’t see her as pretty)

    7. Carrie Prejean

    8. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt because I’d like to go to the grocery store without having to learn all about their latest weirdness.

    9. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Ditto