Meet the new boss, same as the old boss: Part Two

Posted September 28th, 2010

I have been preoccupied, lately, with whether this is an especially crazy time to be alive, what with the instantaneous information/misinformation bleeding out of the internet. (See the thing about Tacitus in the blog just before this one.) I do think that crime and show business have never been more closely aligned. I don’t know if there has ever been a time where criminal arrests are worth as much in terms of $$ as going on a publicity tour or being in a movie . But otherwise, I am starting to conclude: apparently things have always been running like this. Here is a quote from a book review of a new biography of George Washington (by Ron Chernow)  in today’s NY Times Read more

My new cure for political nerves

Posted September 14th, 2010

I feel compelled to keep up with the news for some reason, even though it causes me to then spend an awful lot of time fretting about the way things are going and the ways things are going to end up. I follow that with long spells of wondering what I am supposed to do to help or how I may be inadvertently contributing to harm.  When I think about it all, it  just seems like everything keeps getting worse and its a trend no one can reverse. And when I say ‘it’ I mean…you know…IT. All of it. Crazy egomaniacs with big mouths and tiny brains,  economic policy debates,wars and plans for more wars, disasters both man made and natural, ridiculous people running for office, leaders of other countries who seem mentally ill, etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc. Read more

I just finished my new book

Posted September 11th, 2010

HOORAY for me But at least on some level, a draft of it is finished. Its a book of essays. It includes a lengthy piece about my mother, for which I will be going to hell.   The title of the book MIGHT be “Cool, Calm and Contentious.”  although that makes me sound a little like Clint Eastwood. All I know is that now, suddenly, I am not swimming in three feet of loose paper.  I write on the computer but in the final stages I find that I can’t see what, if anything, the book says unless I print it out. Pretty soon my already cluttered office looks like I am ready for a segment on hoarders. Read more

The Lost Shoes of Zuma

Posted August 13th, 2010

I am trying very hard to finish up the first draft of a new book of essays.  It is taking forever and is endlessly labor intensive.  So I did what any right thinking person would do to cope: I started a TUMBLR. I had never even been ON Tumblr before so I don’t like this format so much. I will almost definitely change it pretty soon.  But meanwhile we, the two human residents of my household, have taken to documenting the shoes that we see left behind at Zuma Beach every time we go for a walk there.  So many poor lost forgotten shoes.  Once  the cheery companions at summer picnics, happily filled with feet…now alone and abandoned in the parking lot or on the sand.  Poor poor sad lonely shoes of Zuma. Read more

Is this going to be on the test?

Posted August 6th, 2010
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Being a writer sometimes leads  to unexpected situations.  The one that happened today involved a text book requesting permission to reprint a piece that I wrote ten years ago. Read more

My nominee for worst art of the 21st. Century

Posted July 28th, 2010
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bedbathian #1 Read more

Daddy has bought an old Thunderbird

Posted July 28th, 2010
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Thunderbird: V-8 Wonder of the Western World Read more

At long last: My Reality Show

Posted July 19th, 2010
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I think it is time for me to have a reality show. So I have made the important decisions. Read more

Celebrating the 4th with my Obit Collection

Posted July 3rd, 2010
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Its the 4th of July and I am still in the middle of a rewrite of this new book of essays.  I’ve been at it so long I am not sure if I am writing in English. Read more

The Proust Questionnaire by Puppyboy

Posted June 30th, 2010
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Puppyboy Does the Proust Questionnaire Read more

Costco: A love story in 4 acts, kinda sorta.

Posted June 26th, 2010
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Costco: A Love Story in Four Acts. Read more

Answering the musical question: You want a piece of meat?

Posted May 11th, 2010

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Puppyboy : Guard Dog

Posted May 9th, 2010

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Oh well: You didn’t get a free book!

Posted May 7th, 2010
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UPDATE: I got my ten names. That was fast. Oh well. You missed out. Unless we already had an exchange and you gave me your address. But may I encourage you to please buy a copy of my book in paperback? Because…uh…you need something funny to read and I have to earn a living. Read more

One Jonestown Koolaid Grande

Posted May 3rd, 2010

Apparently some residents of Guyana are trying to resurrect Jonestown as a tourist attraction, according to an article in today’s New York Times. Read more

Maybe I am the inspiration for Sarah Palin

Posted April 28th, 2010

The man who took this photo in 1999 (Vern Evans) for “Merrill Markoe’s Guide to Love”  has it posted on his Facebook page.  I hadn’t seen it in a while and then a friend sent it to me. So I was looking at it and thinking”What does this remind me of?” And then it occurred to me: I was ahead of the whole Sarah Palin Wilderness Woman curve.  In fact its possible that she stole the image from me.  Though she did make a few big important pointlessly horrible changes .  For instance,   this photo was taken right before I boarded a helicopter to go shoot myself some vegetables. Read more

Apparently the dogs have been decorating.

Posted April 25th, 2010
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I am in the middle of a massive re-write of my new book which is a book of essays. My new editor had many many notes.  So it has been a very labor intensive time for me. Read more

I am a guest lecturer on Regretsy

Posted April 20th, 2010
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Well….my book Nose Down Eyes Up comes out in paperback today.  Yes… all the great dog and human humor of the original is now smaller and cheaper! Read more

I got it: The cure for pedophilia in the priesthood.

Posted April 13th, 2010
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I was taking a shower this morning and it came to me in a flash.  The cure for getting rid of pedophiles from the priesthood will come when the Vatican finally allows priests to marry.  Especially if it allows them to marry children. Read more

Elena Kagan….

Posted April 9th, 2010
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Based on this picture, I predict that if  Elena Kagan gets confirmed as the new Supreme Court justice,  she will do for Patton Oswalt what Sarah Palin did for Tina Fey. Read more

Well, I’m in the Wall Street Journal

Posted March 27th, 2010
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Because, you know, I’m such a big player on Wall Street. Read more

The poems of Dorothy Parker: Damn!

Posted March 20th, 2010

May I humbly suggest that everyone who stumbled upon this entry go immediately to google and enter “Dorothy Parker, poems of”. Every so often I re-read them and  just want to sing her praises, that’s all.  Brilliant is too often repeated a word to describe her work. Here is a perfect 4 line example that makes me gasp every time I read it. Its the end of a poem called “Ballade of a Great Weariness.” Read more

Wanna be a member?

Posted March 12th, 2010
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Now that I have gotten in to the habit of blogging on here, I feel kind of guilty when I don’t.  I might as well have been raised Catholic. The truth is, I haven’t written anything in a while because I bought a green screen.  It started when I saw Avatar and I thought “Hell, I can do that.”. No no. Just kidding. It started when I saw two 8 year old boys on You Tube making green screens with chartreuse construction paper.  I said to myself, I said I said, “I can’t be stupider than an eight year old.” Even though I didn’t really want to test myself and learn the horrible truth. Read more

NEW extra strength Spam: Now with several exciting updates

Posted March 4th, 2010
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Remember the olden days of the internet , when your aol or earthlink mailbox would fill up with  spam for penis extenders and discount viagara? I’m getting a little misty eyed just thinking about  that bygone time, back at the beginning of the new century, before sophisticated spam filters came on the scene and disappeared all that stuff for us. Of course that didn’t mean the end of spam by any means. Earlier this year, I  had my name stolen by spammers  who were running around opening up Twitter and Facebook accounts for me. One minute I was a professional smart ass and then just like that, I was a shill for hot hot hot naked girls. (Although I confess, for a minute I suspected it was part of  some kind of massive conspiracy to prevent me from being the last person without a Facebook page.) Read more

How Westminster always looks to me.

Posted February 18th, 2010
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Every year I watch the Westminster dog show and I think about making this. This year I did it. Here it is. Read more

The Greatest Love the World Has Ever Known: An analysis

Posted February 12th, 2010
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Well, its Valentines Day, almost. I’ve actually had a few nice ones in a row since I am happily co-habitating with someone I genuinely like. But as usual for me this time of year,  I start thinking about the lack of reasonable romantic role models in the world at large.  My family didn’t provide one. And come on… don’t we all want to see  a functioning hopeful model? Read more

New worst word ever: This time from the 1950’s.

Posted February 7th, 2010

As if show business in general and television in particular wasn’t hard enough on women. there is an  obituary today in the NY Times about  the first woman  ever to direct a TV show. She looks like a lovely woman. She had a nice long life. But wasn’t it punishment enough for Frances that it had to come to an end? Did she really need to be further punished by having the word FEMCEE disinterred, even momentarily,  in her obituary?  SHEESH! Read more

“Something Extremely Important”: my new video

Posted January 31st, 2010
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I just turned a draft of my newest book in to a new editor. That means it is a very tense time for me. Therefore I have been doing what I always do when I am tense: edit my little films.  This is a video I have been working  a while. I was trying to make it as a stand alone film, but now I have decided to combine it with footage I was given of me reading the piece at a benefit for Tails of Joy, a great dog rescue run by my friend Elayne Boosler.  SO….here it is: Read more

Better intended games to entertain prisoners

Posted January 27th, 2010
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Hopefully this ruling will encourage prisoners to play more Monopoly, which will help  foster an inmate’s obsession with remaining in the real life correctional environment,  buying it,  and eventually turning it in to apartments and  hotels. Read more

Cleaning out my office: A potpourri of stuff I saved

Posted January 24th, 2010
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Because I am a writer, I am always at work. What I mean is that I regard everything that comes toward me as potential subject matter.  And although I am not a hoarder, my fascination for the show “Hoarders” on A&E probably comes from my own tendency to save stuff in case I ever need it as a detail , if not a topic, for something I am going to write. I guess its kind of a relief to see how far I am from a worst case scenario. Nevertheless, my office is always a mess.  And not only because I am not tidy. Its because I save  tons of articles and pamphlets and books on surfaces around me, thinking I am going to need them someday. Then when that day comes ,  I never  find them because they are buried in a file (or a pile) called “Ideas for Stuff.” Read more